Magpie Entry #3

I’m sure you’re aware of Willow’s Magpie contest. The idea is, you are given an object to write about and a couple of days to come up with a short piece of fiction having to do with that object. It’s all done just for the fun of it.
I took part in the first two weeks: to start off, there was a creamer to write about and the second object was a box of matches from a Bratislava hotel.
This week is a bit different. The object is below:



I stared at this thing, whatever it is, for quite a while. I came up with no ideas. My poor powers of creativity and/or imagination didn’t seem up to the task. But then I thought, well at least I should try.
So, here goes…

Title: “If Big Ed Ever Hears About This…”
“Let’s go over this again. You gave the money to this guy – what’s his name again?”
“Joe. Joe Muriani.”
“You gave him the five grand?”
“Right. And he said he’d set the whole thing up – provide the boat, install the corpse, the whole deal.”
“Look at it, Sal. Look at the boat. It’s a ROWBOAT, for God’s sake.”
“When he said boat I naturally assumed it would have a motor. I think we got screwed.”
“No, Sal. WE didn’t get screwed, you did. You rented a rowboat for five thousand dollars! If Big Ed ever hears about this…”
“Listen, Vinnie, it’s not all bad. At least we got a boat and the stiff is in it, there under the blanket. We can do what has to be done. No need to tell Big Ed about this.”
“Who is this Joe Muriani anyway?”
“He’s a guy I used to know years ago. From Secaucus.”
“What! You dimwit! Don’t you know we have nothin’ to do with nobody from the Secaucus family?”
“Look, Vinnie, I’ll do all the work. I’ll row the damn boat. I realize I may be partially to blame…”
“Partially! This is your show, Sal. The spotlight is on you. You’re gonna get full credit, believe me. If Big Ed ever hears about this…”
“Don’t keep saying that, Vinnie. Makes me nervous.”
“You got a lot to be nervous about.”
“Look, we row out to the spot, tie the weight on the body and dump him in. He’ll sink right down to Danny Jones Locker.”
“Davy.”
“What?”



“What’s this, Sal? This is supposed to be the weight we’ll use?”
“Yeah, he said it was a full kilogram. That’s – that’s heavy, right, Vinnie?”
“God you’re dumb. It’s nothin’; it’s a pound or two. This would be like tying a tiddleywink on the stiff and expecting that to cause him to sink. Don’t you get it, Sal? If this body pops back up and bobs about in the water out there for a day or two someone’s gonna spot it and it’ll get back to Big Ed. You can’t imagine what’ll happen then!”
“I can imagine it. Maybe I can look around for a big rock to use for the weight.”
“We’re supposed to be professionals, dammit! We finally got an important assignment and we’re expected to handle it like we know what the hell we’re doing. And you, you rent a rowboat for five grand and now you’re gonna look around for a big rock! I’m tellin’ ya – if Big Ed ever hears about this…!”