Thursday, March 25, 2010

Random, Sort Of, Thoughts

Some random thoughts to help us through our day.*
In San Clemente, California, a man ran naked through a tennis club and then poured hot coffee on his head before being arrested. Evidently he was not aware that there’s a local statute in San Clemente that prohibits pouring anything on one’s head but hot cocoa.



* Why do they keep serving shrimp with their tail shells on? Shrimp should be served completely unshelled. When I am dining at an elegant upscale social event, honoring an ambassador or some such world-class dignitary, which happens often :-), it is disheartening for me to have to wrestle the shell off the damn shrimp’s tail, causing bits of shrimp to fly about, some landing on my new tuxedo (thirty-five dollars at Walmart).
* I loved that General Motors guarantee (do they still have it?). Buy one of their automobiles, keep it for 3 months and if you don’t like it, return it – no charge. What they don’t seem to realize is that they are saying that they are pretty sure their cars will run for 3 months; after that, who knows?
* That may now be the Toyota guarantee.
* Political prognostication. Sarah Palin may well be successful as vice president in the next election, if President Beck allows her to run. :-)
* I realize Somalia isn’t usually a funny subject, but I got to thinking about what an arrest by local police might be like. One could imagine the following conversation. Cop, to Somali: “What’s Somali you?” Somali: “It’s not what’s Somali me; it’s what’s Somali YOU!”
* Mark Twain: “I never vote. It just encourages them.”
* As for the late year 2009, which has received a huge amount of criticism, I’m not really disgruntled about it. Though I can’t pretend to be gruntled.



* Poor Barack. He showed up with a couple of loaves and a few fishes and he was expected to feed everybody.
* I got a swine flu shot. I wish I hadn’t; the side effects are awful. I spent the morning out in the back yard snuffling for truffles.
* I feel dull, I feel hollow, if I’m not in your “Blogs I Follow.”
* What is Demi Moore half OF?
* Don’t you love it when you’re visiting a blog and after you read some illuminating information about the person you’re visiting, there’s an enticing little sign that promises to lead you “inside”: it reads “View My Complete Profile”? You click on this with an increasing sense of excitement and anticipation. The Complete Profile then turns out to be, word for word, exactly what you just read “outside.”
* Is it Keera or Keyera Sedgwick?
* Did you ever get the feeling that all the major charities in the country got together at a meeting a few years ago and everyone at the meeting came up with exactly the same idea; it must have seemed to be a stroke of genius. They probably all shouted out together: “Here’s what we should do! Let’s send address labels to everyone!”
* Idea for a “meet cute” moment for a film script. In an exciting match of co-ed curling, they both felt love at the moment when their brooms touched.



* What’s wrong with pro basketball? Well, when I watch a guy who’s 7 foot 11 or whatever, who practically has to bend over to drop the ball in the basket, the game seems to have lost James Naismith’s original purpose for basketball, which was to be something that could be played by just about everybody.



So here’s what I propose: a separate basketball league, to be called the 5-10 league, in which every player has to be 5 foot ten inches or LESS. No one over 5-10 would be allowed. What games those teams would play! What passing, what jump shots, what full-court presses, what razzle mixed with the dazzle! (A small commission should be made available to the person who originated the idea. :-D)



* I always look forward to receiving the Men’s Fashions section of the New York Times. It’s great to see pictures of clothes that I would never conceivably wear, along with pictures of items that no one I know would ever conceivably wear. Provides a strange sense of self-confidence.
* Didn’t General Tso ever eat anything but chicken?
* People who live in parts of the country where bagels are not available often write of how they PINE for bagels. I don’t get it. What is a bagel? It’s boiled dough. If you enjoy boiled dough you’re going to love bagels. :-)
* I enjoy reading those ads for “investment advisors,” who stand ready to advise you about your investments and who necessarily have to pretend they know what the stock market is going to do. If they knew what the market was going to do they wouldn’t be working as investment advisors; they’d be lying off the Bahamas in their 400-foot yacht.
All right, enough of this – back to work!

25 comments:

Jeanne said...

I love this kind of blog post -- it's like eating at a buffet! (Without the sneeze guard.)

joanny said...

Berowne:

Well let me be the first to um -- comment ---
where or where to begin ---
- I did not know that about the Hot Chocolate -- interesting tidbit, and yes eating shrimp with its tail on is awful but then again you are eating an insect--ugh--Poor Barack and Demi Moore should get together-- and eat bagels after they get their swine flu shot..and play a few rounds of basketball..in their new Versace outfit,,

what fun -- joanny

Berowne said...

Jeanne "I love this kind of blog post."

And I love this kind of comment.

Even without the sneeze guard. What's really needed is a SNOOZE guard. :-)

Sandy said...

These are great! Don't know where to start but I think this one is my favorite:

* I got a swine flu shot. I wish I hadn’t; the side effects are awful. I spent the morning out in the back yard snuffling for truffles.*

And WHY do they leave the tail shells on the shrimp? In a nice restaurant I try to remove them with my knife and fork and if I'm not slow and careful, they tend to fly away. Not good.

Berowne said...

Joanny: "...and yes eating shrimp with its tail on is awful but then again you are eating an insect."

Come now, a shrimp is not an insect. When eating an insect, one leaves the tail shell ON.

Jean said...

I agree with you about the prawns. It's poncey food gone mad. Pointless.

The rest of your list will require deeper thought ! I could be back.

Derrick said...

Having a grasshopper mind should help make up for the lack of basketball!

willow said...

Your thoughts on Obama are so true. Sadly, I can't eat my beloved shellfish, since I've developed an allergy to it. You're torturing me with that opening pic! ((drool))

Berowne said...

Jean: "The rest of your list will require deeper thought ! I could be back."

Is that a promise or a threat? :-)

Berowne said...

Sandy: "And WHY do they leave the tail shells on the shrimp?"

Great minds think alike. :-)

Berowne said...

Derrick: "Having a grasshopper mind should help make up for the lack of basketball!"

Do I have a grasshopper mind? I guess so. Just as Aesop said, I do enjoy spending the summer singing while watching an ant store up food for the winter.

Berowne said...

willow: "Sadly, I can't eat my beloved shellfish, since I've developed an allergy to it. You're torturing me with that opening pic!"

Ah but willow, think of all the innocent folks you're torturing with your Magpie Tales creative writing blog, with you asking -- no, demanding -- that they write something new, different, innovative each and every week. It's torture!

(Jes' kiddin')

Rob Kistner said...

Showed up for Magpie #7, but enjoyed this ensemble...
...rob
Image & Verse

spacedlaw said...

Did you find any? (truffles?)

Everyday Goddess said...

Your complete profile is very in depth. I checked.

And I've always liked your profile picture with, I am assuming, you using a hand held phone.

How I miss wall mounted, rotary dialed, with a comfy chair next to it telephones!

Berowne said...

Rob Kistner: "Showed up for Magpie #7, but enjoyed this ensemble..."

Glad you stopped by, Rob, for whatever reason.

R. Burnett Baker said...

"Back to work." BACK to work? You mean this ISN'T your job??

French Fancy said...

Well, picking just a couple of items out - I've actually been to San Clemente. We stayed at the San Clemente Inn a few years ago and drove to a nearby beach (can't recall the name) where all the surfers used to go and watch the sun go down. It was a lovely evening and I really loved that part of PCH.

As for shrimps with their tails on - I'm a finger food person. I love getting stuck in to a plate of fruits de mer with the little tools beside me to help me gouge and poke.

Berowne said...

Everyday Goddess: "And I've always liked your profile picture with, I am assuming, you using a hand held phone."

Yes, when that picture was taken there was no such thing as a cell phone.

To be brutally honest, the telephone itself had only recently been invented. :-)

Berowne said...

Good to hear from you, Fr. Fancy.

Berowne said...

spacedlaw: "Did you find any? (truffles?)"

No, there were none in the back yard. However, I'll be doing the front yard this afternoon.

Berowne said...

Rick Burnett Baker: Glad to hear from you.

I got to thinking about those six degrees of separation. The guy who wrote that play about Rick's Place was named Burnett -- it went on to become the movie "Casablanca." I hope you got royalties. :-)

Short Poems said...

Really beautifully written post. I enjoyed the mood and point of your blog :)

Marinela

Berowne said...

Thanks, Marinela; glad to hear from you.

2busy said...

This is hilarious! I love all your insights and thoughts. I have to agree on the basketball league...My boys would excel in that league.

 
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