Thursday, September 2, 2010

Magpie 30

Assisting the Science Teacher
“What do you think Elmore is going to say when he learns that his father had an affair with one of his teachers?”
“Had an affair!? What kind of crazy talk is that? It was all perfectly innocent and natural. You see a young woman, a science teacher, attempting a scientific experiment, which could be dangerous, you feel you should assist.”
“Especially if she’s an attractive blonde teacher, like Mrs. Megid. Dangerous experiment? She was doing a demonstration using sodium chloride.”

“And people who have no scientific background – like you, Edna, if you’ll forgive me for saying it – don’t realize that such demonstrations can be toxic and dangerous.”
“Ray, don’t you realize that sodium chloride is salt, plain old table salt! It’s dangerous when you put too much of it on your scrambled eggs!”
“Salt? Where did you hear that?”
“It was the lead-off item on Fox TV News. Mrs. Megid was doing a little demo with salt as an entertainment for the visiting parents and you saw this as a chance to put your paws all over her.”
“There, you see? See how things get distorted? I just felt she might be a little nervous, what with the scientific experiment and all, so I tried to steady her.”
“Yes, handling table salt would make anyone start trembling. She claims that you put your arm around her waist"
“To steady her!”

“And she reported it to Mr Heinrich, the principal. Don’t blame him for banishing you from the school! He wasn’t the one who put the arm around her waist.”
“Actually, we can’t be sure he never tried. And I wasn’t ‘banished.’ Herr Heinrich just suggested that you be the one to come to the school in the future.”

“Well, that was enough to get you tossed out of the place. But that’s not all. Speaking of the principal, an hour ago I got a phone call from him. I hadn’t known about this but it seems that Elmore brought an apple to Mrs Megid this morning – you know, to try to make up for things. And there was some kind of creature in the apple.”
“Probably a caterpillar.”
“Why would you say that? Do caterpillars eat apples?”
“You can’t be sure. Don’t sell them short. Caterpillars are amazing creatures.”
“Ray, why are you pretending to be an authority on caterpillars, for God’s sake!”
“Hey, I know about this stuff. I was no city kid. My family had a big ranch…”
“Yes, I'm aware of that. What did you raise on that ranch, caterpillars? What a great life for a kid – ropin’ and ridin’ them old ‘pillars all day long.”
“You do have quite a sense of humor, Edna. I’ll give you that.”
“Anyway. it was actually a maggot in the apple. And Mrs. Megid now seems to be a bit hysterical because she feels you, not your son Elmore, put the thing – the maggot, whatever it was – in the apple just to torment her.”
“She’s a science teacher? Maybe she could demonstrate how anyone could insert a maggot into an apple? But I'm afraid that brings up another bad point.”
“I hate to think what this might be.”
“Well, it was about that bug in the apple. I thought it could be a maggot, so it somehow just slipped out: I was talking with Mrs. Megid on the phone to apologize to her and somehow her name came out as Mrs. Maggot. It just slipped out. I was sorry, of course, but I had the feeling she was upset.”
“Yes, you call someone ‘maggot’ and they tend to get a bit perturbed.”
“A slip of the tongue, which I apologized for.”
“You don’t seem to realize that this has turned out to be something big. The principal now refers to Mrs Megid as ‘the victim.’ And he has notified her husband – you now have Mister Megid to deal with. He’s the wrestling coach. Try not to call him ‘Mr. Maggot.’”

43 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Wow! you did all of that with just an image of a single apple? Really good write and I loved the humor.

Elizabeth

Friko said...

Not only Shakespeare but excellent writing too.
I tried to follow you last week, without success. I am having another go.

Marilyn said...

Oh what a good write, this is so much fun.

Berowne said...

Great to hear from you, Friko. Thanks

Berowne said...

My thanks to Elizabeth and Marilyn for their friendly comments.

Jinksy said...

Well, if that came from one bite, I wonder what you'd have done if the apple had been half eaten? :)

Brigid said...

Great story and I loved the last two lines especially.
Was a bit of a stretch for me imagination wise, my science teacher was very far from yours, she wore those old fashioned pink spectacles and drank her own urine, she probably was the real Miss Maggot.

Berowne said...

Jinksy: "I wonder what you'd have done if the apple had been half eaten?"
By a caterpillar? :-)

Sue J said...

I enjoyed this. It is very entertaining :)

Helen said...

Love the way you can weave a tale ....

gospelwriter said...

wow - you sure know how to tell a tale! :) - I enjoyed every minute of it...

jabblog said...

This made me laugh out loud. I can just imagine the word retrieval going wrong - Mrs Maggot, indeed :-)

willow said...

Fun story, Mr. B, even though I did have my heart set on The Merchant of Venice...a goodly apple rotten at the heart.

Berowne said...

willow: "Fun story, Mr. B, even though I did have my heart set on The Merchant of Venice."
We'll get around to him -- just you wait.:-)

Book Bird Dog said...

Students and teachers - you captured the conflicts nicely :) Very interesting magpie!

Brian Miller said...

entertaining magpie berowne...

Bloggin'withAmanda said...

This was loads of fun... Oh boy Mrs. Maggot was just the best!!!

ninotaziz said...

Great fun and laughter. Thanks Berowne!

Berowne said...

For the great comments by Brigid, Sue J, Helen, gospelwriter, jabblog, Book Bird Dog, Brian Miller, Amanda and ninotaziz -- my thanks.

Claudia said...

ah - i liked how the story developed - wondered where it would go…well done!
here's my magpie

Tumblewords: said...

Very clever and fun -

R. Burnett Baker said...

"An apple a day keeps the doc....." Can a Honeycrisp take care of sexual harassment? Hum. Maybe an apple for the teacher would stem all the student/teacher temptations we seem to read so much about these days!!

Rick

Miss Nikki said...

I'm sure I would have mistakenly called her Mrs Maggot also. I'm a clutz. But there was nothing clutsy about this story. And love the top notch quality of the dialogue! Merci!

Berowne said...

Miss Nikki: "And love the top notch quality of the dialogue! Merci!"

And my merci to you!

Berowne said...

Good to hear from my friends Claudia, Tumblewords and Rick -- thanks.

Fireblossom said...

Okay, I laughed out loud at the line about ropin' and ridin' them 'pillars.

When I was in 8th grade, we had a science teacher named Miss Pioch. She was young, with black hair and killer taste in clothes. All the boys were in love with her and all the girls wanted to be her. By 9th grade, she was Mrs. Nunemacher, and wore mostly brown. It was like watching a rock star turn Amish.

spacedlaw said...

Oooops. And Mr Magoo he ain't either. How about changing school? Or city even?

Madame DeFarge said...

Great wander of imagination from such a small core.

Berowne said...

Fine comments from Fireblossom, spacedlaw and Mme DeF -- thanks so much.

Patience said...

I'll never look at apples the same way again (potential maggot infested weapons...the possibilities)very nice write.

Berowne said...

Patience: "Very nice write."
Very nice comment.

Tina said...

This former teacher was quite entertained by this bit of humor! Can't wait to read more of your work. Thanks so much for your encouraging comments at Life is Good and for following :-)

emily wierenga said...

brilliant.

steviewren said...

Love the way you do dialog! Bravo! And funny too.

Berowne said...

Tina: "Can't wait to read more of your work."
Can't wait to read more of your comments. :-)

Emily W.: "Brilliant."
Your appreciation is much appreciated.

steviewren: "Love the way you do dialog."
It's really encouraging to get such a positive response -- thanks.

Abhilasha-The Desire said...

Your posts have such a fresh feeling berowne... And you imagined all this from a single pic is wow !!
Poor kid was trying to have some fun.. nice story and not to forget the humour.

I like the feel of your blog.. its like a small kid had a white sheet and he filled it brilliant colors and creations of his own...:)

Lena said...

Great story, Berowne - entertainingly clever as usual! Actually, my favourite character name from books of my youth is Crusher Maggot.....!

Rachel said...

lol, good idea for Edna to warn Ray not to make the same mistake at calling mister Megid the wrestling coach Mr. Maggot.

Reflections said...

A bit saucy for my school days, yet a bite out of the apple for the teacher take. I'd agree with Rachel, good idea not to call Mr. Megid... Mr. Maggot.

Berowne said...

Lena: "Great story, Berowne - entertainingly clever as usual!"
Thanks so much, Lena.

Tattered and Lost said...

Fair and balanced facts can easily get you in trouble. Quite fun!

Jeanne said...

Fun story!

It's interesting to see what different takes you all have on the same prompt.

ds said...

Loved this story. "Try not to call him Mr. Maggot." Tee hee! You are a most clever Magpie.

 
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