Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Magpie 41

“What on earth! Fred, I’m embarrassed. I can’t accept this.”
“Nonsense. It’s just a little gift. A token of a special day.”
“What day?”
“What day? Why, the day of our first date, March 11 of last year.”
“So that’s what the X and the I mean? And, good Lord, they’re in diamonds?
“Right. I mean, no, not real diamonds. Though they do look like that, don’t they? (Laughs) They were expensive enough to be real.”
“Fred, we weren’t on a date then; we had a cup of coffee together.”
“Sure, but it was the first time we were out together. It was the beginning; it had tremendous meaning. I realized I had found the person I wanted to be with forever.”
“Forever is a long time. When I told you this past Monday it was all over, I meant it – it’s all over. Our forever lasted about a month.”
“But that’s why I had to see you today. Not just to give you a pedant with a diamond-encrusted Roman numeral…”
“I think you mean pendant.”
“Whatever. But also I wanted to let you in on a big piece of news. I’ve changed, Dolores! I’m not the guy you knew in the past.”
“That’s good. I didn’t care much for him.”
“And he’s gone! Gone with the wind! Look. I used to be a good-natured goofball, always making jokes. And I have to admit, maybe with some jokes I stepped over the line a bit.”
“Like that dinner with my parents. You didn’t step over the line, you tripped on the line and fell flat on your face.”
“Well, in my defense, that family of yours has precious little in the way of a sense of humor. I was just trying to be friendly and cheerful, to keep everyone entertained.”
“My Mom didn’t find it entertaining when she served her best dish, sesame chicken, and you called it ‘sesame sicken’!”
“Well, that wasn’t my best effort. But hey, Derek Jeter doesn’t hit one out of the park every time either.”
“Derek who?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“And that crack about us enjoying carnival knowledge of each other – was that your idea of something appropriate to say to my folks?”
“I know, I know. It may seem that at times I shoot myself in the foot…”
“It’s a wonder you’ve got any foot left.”
“Listen, we seem to be getting off the point. I wanted to apologize and to tell you that I really tried, with your folks. But your Dad’s remark about my job, how I drove an ice-cream truck, that didn’t sit well with me.”
“He didn’t mean anything by it. He just didn’t understand what it is you do.”
“Well, somebody should tell him that I’m a CEO, and of a pretty important corporation. We have eight ice-cream trucks, at least six of which are on the streets at all times during the summer. The logistics of the operation are staggering.”
“Fred, I hate to be blunt, but I have to say it again – it’s over. So many of the things you do and say rub me, as well as my family, the wrong way. It wouldn’t matter if you had ten ice-cream trucks. Here, take back your, er, pedant. Sorry it didn’t work out between us. Now I have to get back to work. Bye.”

33 comments:

Alakaline said...

Hi Berowne, I enjoyed this story nicely peppered with humor.

A small suggestion- maybe you could end this with the word 'pedant'? or her mis-spelling something in a similar manner? that would really pack a punch.

cheerz,

Jeanne said...

Fun story--poor Fred.

hedgewitch said...

Thanks for the chortling. 'carnival knowledge' indeed. Amazing how the same photo can inspire you to write comedy and me to write tragedy. ;-)

jabblog said...

It was never meant to be - but I enjoyed the word play.

Kay L. Davies said...

Very funny - I love it. "carnival knowledge" is a real hoot. Thanks.
-- K

Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel

Kristen Haskell said...

Oh poor Fred with someone like that he'd be better off dead!

Maureen Newman said...

Sesame sicken - oh my! I hope this is purely fictional.

thingy said...

At least she dropped him.

I married a (ex)Fred. Sigh.

"Sesame sicken." LOL.

willow said...

Ah, poor Fred. Sesame sicken, indeed!

Janice said...

A fun read...and a very mismatched couple.

Rinkly Rimes said...

A clever slice of life! They were right the first time!

The Hausfrau said...

Funny! It's indeed a wonder Fred has any foot left!

Berowne said...

The Hausfrau: "Funny!" Rinkly Rimes: "A clever slice of life!" Janice: "A fun read."
Thanks for the great comments.

Berowne said...

My thanks also to willow -- without whom none of this would be happening -- thingy, Maureen Newman, Kristen Haskell, Kay L Davies, jabblog, hedgewitch and Jeanne.

Helen said...

This is fun, pure and simple!

Strummed Words said...

Reminded me of the ring William gave to Kate. Hopefully it will be happier than this! Nice tale.

Coloring Outside the Lines said...

Poor Fred. "Carnival knowledge" made me giggle! Funny take on Willow's prompt.

Lyn said...

Very funny impossibility, relationship-wise..faux diamonds and a pedant..who could ask for more..super!!

Berowne said...

Helen: "This is fun!" Strummed: "Nice tale." Coloring Outside: "Funny take on willow's prompt." Lyn: "Super!!"
Great comments -- thanx so much.

Mary said...

I enjoyed your story. Sometimes romance isn't in the cards..better to find out sooner than later. Poor Fred!

Kevin Musgrove said...

Yay! Thanks for a barrel of fun!

Tumblewords: said...

Apparently some women just don't appreciate fine humor. :) Terrific phrasing -

Bee's Blog said...

No doubt about it - you are a twit. Er sorry, I mean wit.

What a fun tale - carnival knowledge had me rolling - still laughing.

ds said...

Oh, poor Fred! Sesame sicken and carnival knowledge. Dolores (it's all in a name) definitely did not deserve her pedant ;)

Cad said...

Always good to be prepared, for sometimes a road forks unexpectedly. I think I'm close to one of those myself...

Berowne said...

Bee's Blog: "carnival knowledge had me rolling, still laughing."
ds: "Dolores (it's all in a name) definitely did not deserve her pedant."
I've been pleased to see how many folks enjoyed this humble Magpie 41 -- thanks.

Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

Oh, Fred, poor Fred...you're a jackass but, you're my kind of jackass.

OJ Gonzalez-Cazares said...

lol - how nice! you've got me at Derek Jeter... not only he doesn't hit one out of the park everytime, but he drinks wine coolers, you know?? Thanks for the laugh! I needed it.
Regards,
A RedSox Girl

Pat said...

He couldn't read the writing on the wall poor dear.

Everyday Goddess said...

What a pair! Fun reading!

Berowne said...

OJ Gonzalez: "A Red Sox Girl."
"Red Sox"? Is that one of those minor-league teams?
(Jes' kiddin')

Berowne said...

Everyday Goddess: "Fun reading!"
Thanks to my good friend Everyday.

Pat transplanted to MN said...

that made me smile; once upon a time I knew guys like that! Very fun

 
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