My Entry for "Writer's Island" and "Take a Walk in the Park"

Radio Script: “The Russian Bride”

[MUSIC, OPENING THEME. FADE FOR…]
Announcer: “This is the story of Keith Foster, whose destiny it is to live the life of a small-time con man. Who says crime doesn’t pay? Here’s the way he set out to prove the old saying was wrong. He got a woman named Myrna to play a Russian girl, Nadyezhda, from a small town in southern Siberia (though Myrna’s actually from Long Island). Keith is to get $20,000 from one Sidney Krull, who’s looking for a Russian bride, then later he'll split the money with Myrna. The plan is, after one day she’ll take the position that the marriage was a mistake and would never work, and then just take off. Sidney won’t be able to do much – go to the police or whatever – because the whole process of importing a foreign bride in this way is illegal. Myrna knows no Russian but has gone to the trouble of learning a few Russian words; there should be no problem because most of the time with Sidney she’ll just be keeping quiet.”
[FADE IN ON…]
Keith: “All you have to do is just sit quietly and act kind of confused.”
Myna: “I am kind of confused; I thought I was to get some money today.”
Keith: “I explained all that. I got a five grand advance from Sidney; we’ll get the rest today, when he shows up. Relax; tomorrow you’ll get your half – ten thousand dollars for one day’s work!”
Myrna: “I don’t see why I can’t get something now.”
Keith: “Because you’ve got to play wife for a day. Without that, you won’t get anything. Stop complaining. You say you want to be an actress? Well, you’re being very well paid to just act dumb. You should have no trouble with such a part.”
[FX: KNOCK ON DOOR]
“Okay, he’s here now. Take a deep breath – we’re on!”
[FX: DOOR OPENS]
Waiter: “Good morning, sir! The hotel management wanted to send up a special champagne welcome tray for the happy couple. Congratulations, and we hope you and your beautiful bride…”
Keith: “I’m not the groom! I’m just with the bride for a while. When the husband gets here I leave.”
Waiter: “What? Well, okay, whatever – I’m broad-minded. I’ll just take away the breakfast things. No one ate the scrambled eggs?”
Keith: “No, no. Do that later. You can leave the champagne.”
Waiter: “Myrna! Good God, what are you doing here? Don’t you know Big Al is looking for you?”
Myrna: “I know, I know. Tell him I’m getting the money. I’ll have it for him in a day or two.”
Keith (to Myrna): “Wait a minute! You know this waiter? Who’s Big Al?”
Waiter: “It’s better if you don’t find out. So, you’re using my pal Myrna to pull the Russian bride scam? Okay, I want in. If I promise not to tell anyone what’s going on, that should be worth a couple of thou, right?”
Keith: “Take your scrambled eggs and get out of here! Go take a walk in the park! But don’t worry; keep quiet about all this and I’ll have a hefty tip for you later.”
Waiter: “Tip? We’re past the tip stage. I’m now part of this deal. Let me play her Russian brother; that would make the whole setup more convincing. I can do a good Russian accent.”
[FX: KNOCK ON DOOR; DOOR OPENS]
Sidney: “Ah, Keith! Do you have good news for me – oh, there she is! You were right, Keith; she’s a beauty! Good morning, Nadyezhda! How I wish I knew some Russian. Who’s this fellow?”
Keith: “The brother.”
Sidney: “You brought your brother?”
Keith: “No, her brother.”
Waiter: “I am brother from our hometown, small village near Moscow.”
Sidney: “I thought she was from southern Siberia?”
Waiter: “That – is our summer place.”
Myrna: “Spasibo!”
Sidney: “Same to you, my dear. [To Keith] I thought ‘spasibo’ meant thank you.”
Keith: “It’s Siberian slang for hello. You brought the money?”
Sidney: “Yes, here. All in cash, as you requested. And I want to thank you, Keith. You’ve made this a day I’ll never forget.”
Keith: “Yes, well, we’ll leave you two lovebirds. Goodbye, Nadyezhda.”
Myrna: “Spasibo!”