Monday, February 28, 2011

Magpie 55

(To the tune of "Lemon Tree")
When I was just a lad of ten, my father said to me,
"Come here and take a lesson from the lovely lemon tree.
Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is cool.
But never use a lemon as a kind of killing tool.”


I learned that there were knives and guns and even strangling rope.
But lemon as a weapon? You’d have to be a dope.
Such killing would be messy and would leave a lot of blood.
Your new career as hit man would be nipped right in the bud.

With a huge and heavy grapefruit you’d have at least a chance.
But a “killer lemon”? Silly – it’s clear right at first glance.
“Take my advice,” said my old man, “and never join a mob.
Avoid all citrus slaughter – get a different kind of job!”

37 comments:

Brigid said...

Loved this - 'Citrus slaughter' - I suppose if you got the lemon juice in someone's eye, it would wound slightly.

Jinksy said...

I shall be singing Lemon Tree for the rest of the evening! LOL

thingy said...

Oh, those lemons are tricky. Be careful.

Kristen Haskell said...

Oh that is great! I will be singing Lemon Tree too!

Leslie said...

hahaha! this is GREAT!

Kathe W. said...

great post as always!

Reflections said...

Perfect! Love the rhythm to your poem, clever twists aided in its drink.

spacedlaw said...

And yet they have such atrociously long (and sharp) spines on them...

Helen said...

Don't know about the rest of your fans, but I'm going to be singing this all day long while I dance around my home dreaming of the tropics....

Berowne said...

Brigid, Jinksy, thingy, Kristen H, Leslie, Kathe W, Reflections, spacedlaw and Helen -- thanks for some great comments.

Suz said...

It actually made a lot of sense..nice rhyme
and I meant I liked this Magpie
and your latest post about gatsby

Tumblewords: said...

Clever piece!

Jim Swindle said...

Hilarious.

Christine said...

Ditto with the song in my head, only different images will float around now. Very well done.

Rinkly Rimes said...

Very wise advice. A lemon does seem an unlikely weapon!

Kim Nelson said...

In the end, really good advice. This was fun!
Here's mine:
http://www.kimnelsonwrites.com/2011/03/02/ideal-afternoon/

Trellissimo said...

"Forensics and lemons
Say the Bells of St.Clement's"
(English nursery rhyme, bent to suit your excellent post)

Berowne said...

For Trellissimo.
"My thank-yous and 'mercis'
Say the bells of St. Percy's." :-)

Mary said...

heheh - somehow I was expecting to read something about Lady Macbeth...out, out damn spot was too obvious perhaps

Doctor FTSE said...

I like this game!

"When things turn sour
Say the bells in the tower"

Great fun post, Berowne! Blood-spatter forensics supplemented by lemon-juice spatter!

Berowne said...

Dr. FTSE: "Great fun post, Berowne!"
Great fun comment, Doc -- thanks.

Lena said...

Heh heh. I loved this one. Got the essence of the picture all right!

Bee's Blog said...

Ah Peter, Paul and Mary. I have sung the whole poem to that tune! It works well as does your poem.

Kavita said...

And when the father gives his son some serious advice, the son had better take it :)
Mobs really don't make good lemonade either... So it's use AT ALL joining them :)

A superb take on the prompt, my friend... I think it's very natural for me to sing this one out aloud... no?! :)

Berowne said...

Kavita: "I think it's very natural for me to sing this one out aloud... no?"
Go right ahead. And I'll join you in the harmony part. :-)

Berowne said...

Lena: "Heh heh. I loved this one."
Great comment, Lena -- thanks.

Southwest Arkie said...

Cannot take a lemon to a grapefruit war. Nice mag!

Cherry said...

I have had the most difficult week of my life, and now having read about the citrus slaughter, I am laughing my ever lovin' arse off!!!! Thank you ;-)

Elaine said...

Great rhythm and rhymin'. Full of zest!

Berowne said...

Elaine: "Full of zest!"
I always enjoy citrus humor -- thanks. :-)

Berowne said...

Kim N.: "This was fun!"
Glad you enjoyed it, Kim.

ds said...

Ha ha--"Attack of the Killer Lemons" sequel to the infamous Tomatoes. Well done!

Berowne said...

ds: "Ha ha--"Attack of the Killer Lemons"
What a great, highly artistic movie that would make. :-)

RNSANE said...

What a hysterical poem. I loved it. I was thinking that, death by asphyixiation might work if you put a lemon in somone's mouth. I finally came up with a poem at:

http://rnsane.blogspot.com/2011/03/magpie-tales-55-its-not-nice-to-eat.html#links

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

Very funny! I entertained myself singing it. :)

Berowne said...

RNSANE: "What a hysterical poem. I loved it."
Mad Kane: "Very funny!"
Fine comments -- a great way to start the day.

Ms. Burrito said...

So pretty and Interesting!


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