Savage Reflections

For ABC Wednesday: “K” is for Karen – Karen and Steve

[For Sunday Scribblings, see following post.]

Olga has a new job – maybe. But Steve has something else on his mind…
Olga: “I got it! I think I got it. Of course, I won’t know for a day or two; there were a couple of other actresses at the audition. One of them was really good. But I just have a feeling about this job – I think I got it.”
Steve: “Olga, calm down. We’ve got to talk.”
“Hey, enough with the ‘Olga’! Remember? I’m ‘Karen’ now. That’s important. The agency will be calling and won’t know who you’re talking about if you say ‘Olga’ isn’t here.”
“Olga Doubravka is a fine name; nothing wrong with it; it’s you. But we’ll go along with Karen if that’s what you want.”

“It’s not just what I want. There’s a whole new career out there for me. If I land this job I’ll be off to the races: I’ve got to have a suitable name. Who would have guessed that someday I’d be starring on TV!”
“I know. It’s exciting. But we have to talk about our – situation.”
“Ah, yes. The relationship. I thought we’d done enough talking about that.”
“Come on; some time soon I’d really appreciate an answer.”
“Sure. Of course. But asking me for an answer now, when I’ve just landed this great TV job, or just about landed it, is – well, this isn’t the time.”
“But by now you must know, deep down, if you want me as your husband.”
“Steve, listen. I have nothing against husbands. I imagine I’ll acquire one some day. And I admit, when I first met you I was impressed. You told me of your creativity, your artistic imagination, your dedication to original thinking, and how important these all were to you in your profession. So it was a bit of a letdown when I learned what your profession was.”
“Nothing wrong with my profession: the personal marketing of pre-owned vehicles.”
“Steve, you sell used cars!”
“Right. And that artistic imagination, that creativity, are extremely important in that type of work. I’m not just another salesman!”
“Anyway, there are other things…”
“You’re talking about that toothbrush, aren’t you?”
“That’s one of them, yes.”

“Look – um, Karen. That morning I had an urgent meeting with a customer and I couldn’t be late. For some reason my toothbrush wasn’t where I usually keep it, in the glass with yours. So just once, I used yours. I never thought it would bother you so much.”
“I thought it was disgusting. If that’s what life with you would be like, you using my toothbrush and maybe other personal things…”
“Wait a minute! It’s a gag, right? You saw that Seinfeld episode about a toothbrush and now you’re acting it out!”
“I’m acting nothing out. This is something I feel strongly about.”

“But it was just once! It was an emergency. And your brush looked really worn out anyway. God knows, we’ve done so many intimate things in so many ways I can’t see why my having your toothbrush in my mouth should be upsetting for you.”
“Well it is. Although… You know, this is kind of funny. This morning as I was rushing around getting ready for the audition, I couldn’t find my hair brush – so I used yours.”

“You used my new hair brush!? That brush is from the Mason Pearson Collection; it’s expensive! You got some of that sticky crap you use on your hair on my brush? Those are genuine boar bristles on that brush."
"I'm glad to hear they're genuine boar. There are so many fake boars running around these days."
"That hair brush has caused two different customers to tell me my hair looks like George Clooney’s”
“Well, speaking of Seinfeld, I would have said George Costanza’s. But anyway, I only used it once.”
“But it’s disgusting!”