Tuesday, June 21, 2011

For ABC Wednesday

“W” is for “Worry”
Today I’d like to tell you about my problem.
I’ve been fortunate to have made quite a few friends here in Bloggoland, but in what I’ve written over the past year or two I’ve usually kept my problems to myself.
Truth is, other people’s difficulties may be amusing for a time – the famous “schadenfreude” in action – but after a while they tend to be annoying, so I keep the dark stuff (and we all have dark stuff, right, Congressman Weiner?) to myself.
But I can’t resist telling you about my recent medical problem.

It all began with my usual checkup with my physician, Dr. Watson (the names have been changed to protect the indigent).
I later thought it was odd that the Doc suddenly seemed very interested in making sure that he had the phone numbers of my son and daughter, and that he wondered if I wanted a “DNR” sign – for “Do Not Resuscitate” – hung on the bed in case I wound up in a coma.
Now why, I wondered, would he ask such questions? Is my general practitioner practitioning generally by subtly preparing me for really bad news?
I had just had a session of “blood work” at the lab, so the study of my circulatory fluid had probably revealed something potentially catastrophic, not to mention awful. Also, the Doc mumbled something about “protein in the blood” that I hadn’t quite understood.
So I did what a good many patients do these days. I rushed to Google and looked up “protein in the blood.” Boiling down the technical medical jargon of the internet, I got the impression that this is a disastrous condition, the only known treatment for which is to tell the patient to enjoy the next three months because that’s going to be about it.
Well, “W” is for “Worry,” and that’s what I did for the next week or so.
At my next medical exam, il dottore showed me a huge spreadsheet of arcane letters and figures, all of which had digitally popped up as a result of my recent blood examination and all of which, of course, were incomprehensible to me.
He pointed to one of the numbers and triumphantly exclaimed, “That’s it! That’s the important one!”
“Give it to me straight, Doc,” I said, showing great courage. “How much time do I have left?”
“What?” he replied. “Oh no, no, nothing like that. It’s just that you don’t have enough protein in the blood. Not enough iron. Have you stopped eating red meat?”
“Well, yes,” I said. “You know, they say to stay away from it so I’ve switched to a pretty well vegetarian diet.”
“Well, it’s an easy problem to solve. You’re anemic. Just eat a steak or a few chops each week; that’ll take care of it.”
In my car, as I prepared to drive away, I thought of the horrible fatal disease I had been sure I was suffering from. And what had my doctor prescribed? A steak or a few chops.
I started to laugh and it was quite a while before I could stop.
Somebody put it this way once: “Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere.”

19 comments:

mrsnesbitt said...

Oh I so agree - Google is good for some things and not for others! Like the time I looked up about worms when getting some treatment (regular routine) for our pets!!! YUCK! I didn't eat for days!
Thanks so much - take care, glad all is well, just eat a few steaks eh? lol! Life is tough.
Denise ABC Team

One said...

This is so funny. Don't worry, be happy. Take a break, have a steak. :)

Leslie: said...

Whew! Close one...bring on the barbie! Reminds me of myself needing B12 supplements after my back surgery (and hemmoraging sp?). Latest results indicate I have too much B12 now so only take a supplement once in a while. Glad all is well for you!

Karen said...

Or you could just take some iron pills, less fat and cholesterol. Glad you're ok.

Jingle said...

all will be well.
Cheers.

Birgitta - foto CHIP said...

Next time you have to ask the questions before you leave the doctor ;)
Because .... why worry .....
I am happy for you because I got really worried first ;)

Roger Owen Green said...

Steak as salvation! Glad you can be so easily cured.
ROG, ABC Wednesday team

Kay L. Davies said...

Glad you shared this Worry with us, Berowne, because another blogger might find him/her/self in a similar state and be able to think of what you said.
I know from experience I can handle almost anything except not knowing. My imagination (rather like yours) goes bananas (well, maybe not exactly like yours) when I speculate, then cogitate, then agitate, then devastate. Well, you know.
Half a lifetime ago I had cancer tests, and had to wait 3 months for the results. Worst 3 months of my life. I was much calmer about the surgery than I was about the "what if".
Steak, however, has never been offered to me as a solution to anything. How novel, and how tasty. Much better than pills, potions or tofu.
— K

Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel

Jane and Chris said...

Forget the steak, you will need to eat 1500 calories of steak to ingest the same amount of iron contained in 100 calories of spinach. Added bonus... you won't have to 'worry' about your weight!
Jane x

Meryl said...

I wouldn't mind being prescribed a steak! Enjoy!

Tumblewords: said...

A wonderful outcome! Way to go!

Hildred and Charles said...

Nice to hear the goggled words of wisdom, - I brood a lot about things, but a friend told me years ago "don't worry, it may never happen" and usually it doesn't!

Rinkly Rimes said...

We all think the worst. I have had a pimple on my nose and it's been going to turn into cancer for weeks! Why Worry!

Katherine said...

Oh Berowne this gave me a good laugh.. I'm so glad you're prescription is one that's easy to swallow & that you are OK. Worry does get us nowhere.. I love the rocking chair quote... it's so true, worry gives nothing back but headaches, sleepless nights & stomach pains.. who needs that!!

Marbles in My Pocket said...

I'm going self-diagnose myself and prescribe that very medicine in large doses! Nicely told!

Jj Rodriguez said...

that's fun... i got so carried away with the first part of the story because i myself is worrying about my health after some self observation. good that i am done with the first set of tests and it showed good. second phase is to go to the stress test... hope things would be good. anyways, good for you buddy... nice prescription, mine aspirin. can we exchange doctors? LOL!

JJRod'z

naturgesetz said...

As a confirmed hypochondriac, I can definitely understand your feelings and actions.

I'm glad it turned out so well. Don't listen to the people who are telling you to do something different from what the doctor ordered. If you trim off any fat that you can without taking any meat with it, I suppose that's okay.

I eat plenty of red meat, as well as butter, cheese, whole grain cereals, fish, and yogurt. I drink beer, wine, bourbon, and black coffee. And at 68 years of age, I'm in good health (although somewhat overweight) and taking no medications.

Dishita said...

i liked your post W for worry.

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

Love! Glad you got good news!

 
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