For Sunday Scribblings and ABC Wednesday

“C” is for “Cargo”

“The most important thing is, we must remain calm.”
“Remain calm? What is there to remain calm about?”
“Oh, there’s Mrs. Krumwieser. We wondered where you were.”
“I was checking out the boats.”
“You looked on the starboard side?”
“I don’t know which that is. Is that the side that’s on my left?”
“Depends on how you’re facing.”
“Well, the way I’m facing now.”
“Starboard is right, if you’re facing forward."
"Look, folks, that's all very interesting but to save precious time, did you see any boats?”
“No. There don’t seem to be any.”
“I coulda told you that. I looked earlier. The boats are gone.”
“Are we all here? All eight of us?”
“Yes. Have any of you realized what an incredible situation we’re in? I am steadily approaching a state of near-hysteria.”
“But we’ve got to stay calm.”
“I kept telling Mrs Krumwieser we should take a Norwegian or Royal Caribbean cruise. But no, she wanted a cruise on a freighter. The romance of life on a small cargo ship! Well, this is the romance – we’re stuck on a small cargo ship and the cargo’s on fire.”
“Read that note again.”
“’Emergency. Fire in hold. Gone for help.’ And it’s signed by – can’t make out the name. Maybe the captain.”
“And he and the crew went in the boats. Could be they know what the cargo is and it’s something that's gonna blow up so they just panicked and took off.”
“Good to know they had a reason. All this was going on while we were in our rooms recovering from that lunch. Migod, those canned Brussels sprouts!”
“Our problem at the moment is a bit more unpleasant than those, though they were unpleasant enough. I didn't know they even made canned Brussels sprouts. What have you got there, Bob?”
“Fire extinguisher. Only one I could find.”
“That looks older than this freighter, if that’s possible. You planning to go down into the hold and fight the fire with that?”
“You got any better ideas?”
“What we should do is get on the ship’s radio and call for help.”
“Who knows how to operate a ship’s radio? You don’t just dial 911.”
“I know how to send ‘SOS’ – three dots, three dashes, three dots.”
“Good. Get Marconi on the line and send it to him.”
“When I think that tonight was to be karaoke night. Frank was dying to do his ‘Moon River.’”
“Afraid we’ll miss out on that pleasure. We may need him to do ‘Nearer My God To Thee’ a bit later.”
“Look, when the skipper and the crew reach land they’ll report the situation, so the rescue helicopters should soon be here.”
“If we’re lucky, before this old bucket blows up.”
“Maybe we should go and see just what kind of cargo we’ve got down below. It could be something like wheat flour, so a fire wouldn’t be all that dangerous.”
“Yeah, we could be sitting on the world’s largest pancake.”
“Situations like this are difficult for Mr. Krumwieser. He has a tendency to suffer from acid reflux.”
“Now, Martha, I don’t want any special treatment. I avoided the canned Brussels sprouts so I’ll be all right.”