Sunday, April 29, 2012

For Three-Word Wednesday, Magpie 115 and ABC Wednesday

"P" is for "Phil"
Dear Larry: I write to tell you of something truly remarkable in the field of personal investing.

As you may know, I was very active with Freemasonry for years. Well, some time back, I was seized by an idea – and by an ideal.

(Dolores feels I may be a bit crazy; you’d think a wife would support her husband and not spend most of the time criticizing.)

My objective, in this our twenty-first century, is to found a new and totally independent universal Masonic Lodge, an attempt to reach a generous and just standard in the way we live our lives.

It was clear to me that what has been lacking in the movement up till now is, in a word, leadership. With the right charismatic leader, we can set new goals, reach new achievements in world brotherhood.

I resisted the obvious conclusion for quite a while, but finally I gave in – I, Larry, am the person to become that leader.


I have spent most of my personal fortune to establish my new Lodge. I had a huge enclosure designed and built in the shape of a glass Mason jar – because, obviously, of the symbolism of the name – and it is capable of holding a human being who will use it for purposes of meditation and study.

There now exists a new ritualised format, which I developed over a period of time, that requires a person – so far it has been only me – to sit in solemn silence in the jar in a pool of heavily symbolic water for a specified meditation period.

I have been penalized in this endeavor because it has cost quite a lot of money. It is well worth it, however, because I know that once the aims and ideals of my new Lodge get out to the general public, a storm of interest will be created and folks throughout the land will flock to our banner, eager to join.

Offered over the internet, for the average person an annual payment of thirty-eight dollars will be all that will be required for full-time membership. This will include, at no extra cost, our monthly bulletin and of course the chance to use the Lodge Mason jar from time to time.

I offer this as a special investment opportunity to you, Larry, because you are my brother-in-law and you know how lucrative it can be to get in on the ground floor when something exciting and promising is about to take off. A mere three thousand dollars from you will do it – an investment that will almost certainly increase greatly in value over the years. (Don’t listen to your sister.)

It would be a tragedy if this marvelous step toward a new tomorrow failed just because of a few dollars.

Hope to hear from you – regards, Phil.
(Also submitted to Sunday Scribblings.)

39 comments:

Roger Owen Green said...

You shouldn't write stuff like this; someone will take it seriously and try to emulate it.

thingy said...

Ha! Oh, this is priceless (although there is a price)

Brian Miller said...

haha i am not sure that is one you want to get in on at the 'bottom' just saying....

lol at rogers comment too...

kaykuala said...

Glad you brought it out in the open, Berowne! The MLM craze and get-rich-quick Ponzi schemes brought a lot of heartaches before. Great write!

Hank

Kathe W. said...

oh hahahah sounds like those deprivation chambers of the 80's!

Kutamun said...

A giant jar guaranteed to isolate the user , a bell shaped jar. Great image, where do i sign

Little Nell said...

Very funny. So that’s what he’s doing - meditating?

Daydreamertoo said...

Haha..sounds like a big con to me!
Nicely written :)

Berowne said...

Thingy: "Ha! Oh, this is priceless."
Great comment; thanks.

izzy said...

Cons- ah well he forgot to mention- that the jar is baby food sized, so everyone gets shrunk- thanks.

Laurie Kolp said...

How neat to have a building in the shape of a mason jar!

manicddaily said...

Very very funny. I love the idea of brother-in-laws! Delores! And the masonry on all fronts. Very free thinking there! K.

DCW said...

I must fez up . . . I like the idea.

De said...

Oh, my! What a fun, fresh take! Seriously awesome!

Fred Rutherford said...

Incredibly novel take on the prompt. The letter was a great idea, love the connections to masonry as well. Fun read. Thanks

Berowne said...

De: "Seriously awesome!"
A comment that's seriously appreciated. :-)

versebender said...

Ok...this is dang funny!!! Absolutely hilarious concept and written perfectly. Bravo!!!

Tess Kincaid said...

Ha oh hee...thanks for the giggles Mr. B...

Doctor FTSE said...

Excellent stuff, very inventive and well told. And as is usual with Berowne's posts, I learn something. They really are known as "Mason Jars"!

Helen said...

Enclosed please find my check in the amount of $39 ... made payable to Universal Masonic Lodge. I submit payment with the stipulation that I have unlimited access to that meditation jar of yours.

Berowne said...

Helen: "Enclosed please find my check in the amount of $39."
Thanks, Helen. Actually, the annual fee is $38. With your permission I'll keep the extra buck because I've recently hit a bit of a rough patch, fiduciarily speakng, at home.

Tumblewords: said...

Perhaps the only time in my life that I've wished to be a brother-in-law in order to take advantage of such a jarring offer.

Sharp Little Pencil said...

This is by far one of the funniest things I've seen from you, Berowne. As my friend John Calvin Davis would say, "You one sick puppy!" I love it, and my dad's name was Mason, and he would laugh at this, too! Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/05/01/mondays-forecast/

rel said...

I think you're on to something, or on something, but never-the-less, I'd like one of those get-a-hide-a-ways. Count me in on the glass floor.
rel

Sean Vessey said...

Genius is many times mistaken for madness!

Well done!

Black Jack's Carol said...

I promise not to listen to my sister, but may I consult your sister? She comes from the same "think-outside-the-box stock, and I think will want to get in on rel's "glass" floor too.

Stafford Ray said...

Forget it Phil!
I saw trough it right away!
Larry.
PS. Your sister says she likes it, but as you know; she always disagrees with anything Dolores says.

Kay L. Davies said...

Hilarious. Phil better hope his wife hasn't been developing a lid for that jar.
K

Rinkly Rimes said...

A very clever juxtapositioning of ideas! (Have I made up a new word? Spellcheck seems concerned! Oh, I see it doesn't like 'Spellcheck' either!) I always enjoy your work.

Berowne said...

Rinkly Rimes: "I always enjoy your work."
And I yours. Thanks, Rink.

Berowne said...

Kay L D: "Phil better hope his wife hasn't been developing a lid for that jar."
Clever idea - thanks.

chubskulit said...

I think he's done if his wife get's the lid lol.

P is for Pizzaroni
Rose, ABC Wednesday Team

Sheilagh Lee said...

Sounds like he's flipped his lid. silly get rich quick schemes
Very well done

Tigerbrite said...

Ah well Masons are in to nepotism as we know.

Berowne said...

Versebender: "Absolutely hilarious concept and written perfectly. Bravo!!!"
Thanks, Verse - you made my day. :-)

oldegg said...

The delight of this piece is how we can laugh at the stupidity (and cupidity) of man, and hopefully ourselves.

Berowne said...

To Amy: I have received a few compliments during my lifetime, and one or two have remained in my memory, close to my heart.
But yours - "You one sick puppy" - now goes to the top of the list of the favorites. Thanks. :-)

susan m hinckley said...

Hahahahaha! Thank you for the laugh to start my day -- PERFECT.

Berowne said...

Thanks, Susan M; you're a woman of taste and discernment, obviously. :-)

 
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