Berowne's 263

 

(Also for Three Word Wednesday and ABC Wednesday: "L" is for "Larceny")

 

Next Sunday is Easter.  Berowne, in a desperate effort to be topical and up to date, has dredged up the following:

 

Victor: I’ve told you before, I don’t like doing this.

Mike: I know, but this is something special.  I really need your help.  An expert like you can tell me if this thing is worth real money.  If so, well, there’s a big chunk of dough in it for you.

Victor: All right, let me have a look at it.

Mike:  There.  It's a special Easter egg.  What do you think?  Go ahead, take your time, no hurry.  Have a good, deep look at it.

Victor: I don’t need to look it over at all.  I know what it is.

Mike:  You do?  You mean it’s famous?

Victor: You could say that.  How did you get this?

Mike: There are two young men who sort of work for me.  They – er – acquired it.

Victor: Pure larceny, right?  And the two young men are punks who steal stuff for you, right?

Mike: Now, wait a minute.  How they got it or how it got here isn’t the question.  All I want to know from you is, what’s it worth?

Victor: What did you pay for it?

Mike: Well, I figured I could always sell it for fifty dollars – a hundred if I’m lucky.  So I gave them thirty-five bucks for it.

Victor: Thirty-five bucks.  Unbelievable…

Mike: It’s worth more?  A lot more?

Victor: To you it’s worth nothing.  You wasted your thirty-five bucks. 

Mike: What are you trying to pull?  It’s gotta be worth something.

Victor: Let me give you a bit of history.  Way back in the year 1918, the entire royal family of imperial Russia, the Romanoffs, were assassinated by the rabid Bolshevik secret police.  You’ve heard about this?

Mike: Sort of.

Victor: Then maybe you also heard that one of the daughters, Anastasia, managed to live through the assassination attempt and escaped.

She later lived in Europe for years under the name of Anna Anderson.  The word got around in recent years that she had moved to the States and spent the rest of her life here.  Nobody could verify this; she wanted to avoid all publicity.

Mike: And this thing belonged to her?

Victor: You guessed it.  She had this Easter egg with her at all times, the only thing she had been able to save.

Mike: And you’re trying to tell me it isn’t worth anything?

Victor: It isn’t worth anything to you.  That girl, just a teenager at the time of the assassination attempt, was a royal princess: the Grand Duchess Anastasia.  If you could put this up for auction you'd set the place ablaze; I imagine the bidding would begin at around twenty million.

Mike: Holy smoke!

Victor: But if you tried to sell it you’d have cops and FBI and Interpol and God knows who else after you.  And they’d dig deep into your operation and learn a lot you’d just as soon they didn’t know. 

Mike: You wouldn’t consider buying it, would you?

Victor: I would not.  There’s never going to be anything but headaches with this.  Way I see it, the person who owns it – or owned it before it was stolen from him – was keeping it very quiet, and probably for good reason.

Mike: So what am I supposed to do? 

Victor: I’ll tell you what you should do.  Pay the two hoodlums who stole this to carefully take it back to the home they stole it from.  Leave it on the doorstep with a note saying “Easter egg.  Happy Easter!”  Then press the doorbell and run like hell.