Thursday, June 24, 2010

Magpie #20

“I got it! I think I got it. Of course, I won’t know for a day or two; there were a couple of other actresses at the audition. One of them was really good. But this time I just have a feeling – I think I got it.”
“Maria, calm down. We’ve got to talk.”
“Maria? Hey, remember? You’re not supposed to call me ‘Maria.’ I’m ‘Tracy’ now. That’s important. The agency will be calling and won’t know who you’re talking about if you say ‘Maria’ isn’t here.”
“Maria Bagnuolo is a beautiful name; nothing wrong with it; it’s you. But we’ll go along with Tracy if that’s what you want.”
“It’s not just what I want. There’s a whole new career out there for me. If I land this commercial I’ll be off to the races: I’ve got to have a suitable name. Who would have guessed that someday I’d be on TV!”
“I know. It’s exciting. But we have to talk about our – situation.”
“Ah, yes. The relationship. I thought we’d done enough talking about that.”
“Come on; some time soon I’d really appreciate an answer.”
“Sure. Of course. But asking me for an answer now, when I’ve just landed my first TV commercial, or just about landed it, is – well, this isn’t the time.”
“But by now you must know, deep down, if you want me as your husband.”
“Jeff, listen. When I met you I was impressed. You told me of your creativity, your artistic imagination, your dedication to original thinking, and how important these all were to you in your profession. So it was a bit of a letdown when I learned your profession was, you sell used cars.”
“But I’m not just another salesman! That artistic imagination, that creativity, are extremely important in my profession, the personal marketing of pre-owned vehicles.”
“Well, I guess so. But there are other things…”
“You’re talking about that toothbrush, aren’t you?”
“That’s one of them, yes.”

“Look. That morning I had lost my toothbrush and I had an urgent meeting with a customer and I couldn’t be late. So, just once, I used your toothbrush. I never thought it would bother you so much.”
“I thought it was disgusting. If that was what life with you was going to be like, you using my toothbrush and maybe other personal things…”
“But it was just once! It was an emergency. And God knows, we’ve done so many intimate things in so many ways I can’t see why my having your toothbrush in my mouth should be upsetting for you.”
“Well it is. Although… You know, this is kind of funny. This morning as I was rushing around getting ready for the audition, I couldn’t find my hair brush – so I used yours.”
“You used my new Swiss Oakwood hair brush!? You got some of that sticky crap you use on your hair on my brush? Those are genuine boar bristles on that brush."
"I'm glad to learn they're genuine boar. There are so many fake boars running around these days."
"That hair brush has caused two different customers to tell me my hair looks like George Clooney’s”
“Well, I would have said George Costanza’s. But anyway, I only used it once.”
“But it’s disgusting!”

28 comments:

Selma said...

What an absolutely brilliant story. It is funny but also very real. I have done the same thing. I used to have this really expensive hairbrush from Germany and my husband took to using it. It soon became very sticky with all his gels and potions so I couldn't use it. I would rather he had used my toothbrush!

Suz said...

sweet! and yes it is different when the shoe is on the other foot!

Helen said...

Oh, oh, oh! The awful 'did you use my toothbrush' question. No one ever wants to answer. Fun Magpie!

spacedlaw said...

Funny!

soundoffreedom said...

what an enjoyable dialogue..nice magpie

nana_ang_poppaphil said...

I really enjoyed this, another great tale.

Stafford Ray said...

"...we’ve done so many intimate things together I can’t see why my having your toothbrush in my mouth should be upsetting for you.”
Oh Berowne, you did this story so well, and I was afraid this line would never come! My 'significant other' visits and uses my toothbrush, but thinks it is hers. I say nuttin!

Berowne said...

Selma: "What an absolutely brilliant story."
What an absolutely brilliant comment. :-)

Berowne said...

Great to hear from Suz, Helen, spacedlaw, soundoffreedom and nana a p; thanks so much.

Derrick said...

George Costanza? Maria/Tracy sure knows how to hurt a guy! Strange how protective we can be of personal grooming equipment!

Robert Lloyd said...

Great Job!! This is why I buy the multi pack of toothbrushes and have spares around. Lol I love the end with his hair brush. Props to the Costanza slight lol.

Words A Day said...

Really enjoyed the dialogue, and the phrase "pre-owned vehicles," and the story line..he used her toothbrush/ she used his hairbrush...definately think the toothbrush is worse!
A very realistic and funny piece, if they do get married, they'll be having the same conversation in thirty years - if he still has hair and she still has teeth!

Carrie Burtt said...

This is apsolutely hilarious. Love this Magpie!!

Linda said...

Great story. So funny, and interestingly true to life.

ninotaziz said...

Dear Berowne,

So, Jeff and Maria are perfect for each other, aren't they?

Thanks for a fast-paced, funny and fastidious kind of Magpie!

Berowne said...

A big thank you to Derrick, Robert Lloyd, Words a Day, Carrie Burtt, Linda and ninotaziz for some much-appreciated comments.

chiccoreal said...

The brush seems to convey a sense of "personal space" and does have many Magpies discussing inter-relationships. How to market the idea of individual "space". The brush is so off-limits. Why? "It is disguisting!". Consider this; we know so much more about bugs today. I can so do this skit! Hire me for your next tv ad? I would pull a gag; do a Jerry and dump Tracy or Jeff. Jeff too could use a class in brush etiquette. Never mess with another's man's rhubarb or boar-hair yak brush the definitive lesson here. Good marketing strategy Berowne!

Berowne said...

Good advice, chiccoreal! Thanks.

Terresa said...

The reality of love and life, all here in a few lines. A joy to read!

Berowne said...

Terresa: " A joy to read!"
As is your comment. Thanks.

Madame DeFarge said...

Good story. I hate it when M. DeFarge uses my stuff, but at least it's confined to hairbrushes and nothing else.

Shirley Landis VanScoyk said...

I do sell Certified Pre Owned vehicles and yes it does require a certain amount of creativity.

This was fun!

Berowne said...

A solid thank-you to MmeDeF and Shirley LVS; it's always great to hear from you.

Tumblewords: said...

Oh, no. Not THAT dread piece of reality. Oh, no. A funny, funny episode!

Pat said...

Excellent - and true to life. A gay friend once said how ridiculous it was when his lover carefully wiped the neck of the bottle they were sharing after the intimacies of the night before.

Catalyst said...

That's great, Berowne. The constant battle of the sexes.

transparentnow? said...

This really brought a smile to my face. Isn't it funny where and how we draw our boundries in relationships?

PattiKen said...

I love this! In this case, what's good for the gander...

 
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