Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Magpie 68

Prosecutor Sawyer: “Your name, please?”
Witness: “My name is Edna Emice. I’m the only Emice this side of the Mississippi.”
Sawyer.: “Well, that’s quite a distinction. Now, let’s see. Where were you on the afternoon of March fourth last?”
Witness: “I was parked across the street from that poor murdered girl’s apartment.”
Sawyer.: “And how did you happen to be parked there?”
Witness: “Well, I saw Mr Hartley leaving her apartment. That was quite a shock, so I parked my car and watched.”
Sawyer.: “Now I want to remind you, Miss Emice, that you are under oath and your testimony is very important. You know Mr. Hartley well, don’t you?”
Witness: “I sure do.”
Sawyer.: “And you are certain that it was Mr. Hartley that you saw there?”
Witness: “Absolutely.”
Sawyer.: “Your witness.”
Miss Wylie: “You used to work for Mr. Hartley, didn’t you, Miss Emice? For how long?”
Witness: “For twelve years.”
Wylie: “And then you were unfortunately -- let go, weren’t you?”
Witness: “I was fired, if you want me to spell it out for you.”
Wylie: “And it was Mr. Hartley who fired you?”
Witness: “Yes.”
Wylie: “So you really don’t like Mr. Hartley very much, do you?”
Sawyer.: “Objection, your Honor. Approach the bench?”
Judge: “Yes.”
Sawyer.: “Judge, you can see what’s happening here. The defense is trying to suggest that Hartley canned Emice, she got sore and she decided to get back at him by inventing his presence at a crime scene. A wild story. They’ve made all this up.”
Wylie: “No, that’s just what happened, your Honor.”
Judge: “We’re going to need something more solid than a suggestion, Miss Wylie.”
Wylie: “That will be provided, during cross examination.”
Judge: “All right; let’s get on with it.”
Wylie: “I understand you have some interesting hobbies, Miss Emice?”
Sawyer.: “What!? I object! Relevance?”
Judge: “Good point. How are the witness’s hobbies relevant, Miss Wylie?”
Wylie: “That’s what I intend to show, Judge, if I’m permitted to continue.”
Judge: “Well, I guess so, contingent upon you providing the relevance. Objection overruled.”
Wylie: “And you have a special interest in astronomy, don’t you?”
Witness: “Yes. But I don’t like to talk about it much; people usually laugh.”
Wylie: “Why?”
Witness: “Well, you know—people think I’m just a sweet little old lady without any advanced degrees and such. It is believed that only the PhDs know about such things as astronomy.”
Wylie: “But you have special knowledge, don’t you, something the PhDs don’t have? Especially about the planet Jupiter?”
Sawyer.: “That’s it! That’s enough! I object. Soon we’ll be hearing about Miss Emice’s hobby of building small ships in bottles. There’s only one point at issue, Judge. Did Miss Emice see Mr. Hartley at the crime scene or not? I realize that Miss Wylie is new to the legal profession; in fact, I believe this is her first trial as a defense attorney, so we should be tolerant and understanding and all that. But there’s a limit.”
Judge: “Yes, you haven’t shown relevance, Miss Wylie. Sustained.”
Wylie: “But she went there!”
Judge: “Sit down, Miss Wylie! I have just ruled against you. You should have learned at least that much in law school. Er—she went where?”
Wylie: “She went to Jupiter!”
Judge: “She went to..? Continue with your cross examination.”

Wylie: “How did you make that trip to the planet Jupiter, Miss Emice? Was it on a flying saucer?”
Witness: “No, not a saucer. It was more like a spaceship.”
Wylie: “And what happened when you got to the planet Jupiter?”
Witness: “Well, there was a wonderful welcome; everybody was friendly. I got to see the King.”
Wylie: “Really? You saw the King of Jupiter, with your very own eyes? Could you see him clearly?”
Witness: “Oh, yes. Very clearly.”
Wylie: “As clearly as you saw Mr. Hartley at the crime scene?”
Witness: “Yes, exactly.”
Sawyer.: “Your Honor…”
Wylie: “Move for dismissal, your Honor.”
[Submitted also to Writer's Island, ABC Wednesday and Sunday Scribblings]


JJRod'z said...

i love the way it was told... made me laugh... nice post...

Roger Owen Green said...

Always a sucker for a good legal drama...or comedy!

ROG, ABC wednesday team

Leslie said...

Terribly amusing! Ya got me...

EG Wow said...

That was a great surprise ending!

Pearl said...

Nice. :-) Was a courtreporter for a bit and it was just like being there...



Karen said...

A great giggle for the day!

Meryl said...

Nice "t" post. I would have liked to read more!

hocam said...

terrific twist to the tale

Francisca said...

Haha.. maybe if I were as clever as Ms Wylie, I'd not have quit the legal profession... haha...

Jane and Chris said...

Clever and funny!
Jane x

Tumblewords: said...

Terrific twist -

Kay L. Davies said...

Very funny, Berowne. Very well done!
— K

Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel

Berowne said...

Pearl: "Was a court reporter for a bit and it was just like being there..."
You know, as I wrote this piece I kept thinking some legal eagle is going to shoot my story full of holes, complaining about its lack of authenticity. So it's nice to see that some folks who know say it wasn't too far off the mark. :-) Thanks.

Berowne said...

What a lineup of fantastic comments! My thanks to JJ Rod'z, Leslie, EG Wow, Pearl, Karen, Meryl, hocam, Francisca, Jane and Chris, Tumblewords and K L Davies.

jabblog said...

Great fun - well done! It provoked a much needed giggle . . .

Jingle said...

fantastic story on T.
you seem have wild imagination.

Jingle said...

write a story for us
by visit


short story slam on page/header.

let your creativity soar.
Bless you.

rosaria said...

I'm a sucker for a good courtroom drama. Thanks for the visit, B.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant story. Was contingent put in later? If not, an incredible co-incidence.

Berowne said...

No coincidence, I'm forced to admit... :-)

flaubert said...

Now, that is a testimony you can trust, ha ha ha!
Good one, Berowne.


Anonymous said...

lol! I can't stop laughing.. oddly funny, it reminded to an aunt of mine... she keeps telling stories about how the "aliens" took her and she returned "with child" lol.... amazing southern accent btw (totally readable) - I'm so happy to be back!!

Olga G from Casta Zero (it is posting as Anonymous for some reason)

Andy said...

Laughing...Berowne, this is so funny!
I'll be chuckling to myself all day over this one.

Thanks for sharing.

Tess Kincaid said...

Heehee, this reminds me of the court scene in The Ghost and Mr. Chicken.

Grammy said...

That was a great fantasy. I would love to travel to Jupiter too.

Lilibeth said...

Clever and funny. Sweet doesn't necessarily mean sane, does it.

Bee's Blog said...

Nice one. My first laugh of the day.

chiccoreal said...

Dear Berowne: Characters and dialogue have great flow! Very funny...Can easily visual the absurd antics! Knows exactly who'd play the various parts. Great script!

Altonian said...

Very funny dialogue, hilarious concept, I enjoyed this.

Berowne said...

chiccoreal: "Know exactly who'd play the various parts. Great script!"
I'm puttin' in for the part of the Judge. :-)

Sioux said...

What an amusing, "twist-ed" tale...

Jarvis said...

The perfect insanity plea.

Mary said...

Berowne - Me thinks you would make a great private eye ;-)

Helen said...

I love it when you do your crime 'things.'

Old Raven said...

This was extremely well written ... and a clever take on the prompt!

lucychili said...

call the alien as a witness =)

Berowne said...

Altonian: "Very funny dialogue, hilarious concept."
Always great to hear from Altonian.

Berowne said...

Old Raven: "This was extremely well written."
And so was your comment -- thanks! :-)

Kathe W. said...

oh ho gotcha! Clever one!

Ann Grenier said...

Great take on the prompt, loved the surprise ending, I'm still smiling!

Berowne said...

Ann G. wrote "Great take on the prompt, loved the surprise ending."
My thanks for some really encouraging comments also from Kathe W., Helen, Mary, Sioux, Bee's Blog and Lilibeth.

HyperCRYPTICal said...

This is incredibly good! Superb ending.

Anna :o]

Berowne said...

HyperCRYPTICal: "This is incredibly good!"
Thanks for an incredibly good comment. :-)

Margaret Pangert said...

Great story! I was immediately drawn into it--from having absorbed countless episodes of Law and Order, CSI, NCIS, Covert Affairs, etc.--extremely well done! But eyeing the King of Jupiter! Case dismissed! A+ for originality, freshness. courtroom trial, and dialogue!

Anonymous said...

This is fabulous, very amusing

Berowne said...

Margaret P.: "A+ for originality, freshness. courtroom trial, and dialogue!"
I never got that many A plusses in college so it's great to get one here--thanks. :-)

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