Sunday, September 20, 2015

Berowne's 286

(Also for Three Word Wednesday and ABC Wednesday: "K" is for "kickoff")

Berowne’s version of “Mad Men”

Ron: I guess we’re all aware of the reason for this meeting. We’re getting together tomorrow morning with a man who has developed an exciting new product, an item with fantastic potential, and he wants us to be his advertising agency. Take over, Blake.
Blake: Well, you saw the Powerpoint presentation. “Candy Babar” is being proclaimed as something revolutionary for this industry. An entirely new confectionery item, a new type of candy bar in the shape of the famous elephant – it's new in concept, new in potential, new in substance.

Ron: Right. This will be the kickoff.  It will be an honor for our agency to be associated with what is literally a revolutionary product. Why is Candy Babar revolutionary? It’s a candy bar that relies heavily on high-fructose corn syrup in a never-before-achieved solid and stable form – it’s a scientific breakthrough. By the way, be sure you get the client’s name right: R. Philip Dubieus. His last name is pronounced Doobyess; as he puts it, there’s an emphasis on the “yess.” I need hardly tell you there are to be no wisecracks about his name and the word “dubious.” And he likes to be referred to as “R. Philip.”

Blake: Yeah, we met him last year. Remember, Ron?

Ron: For those who are new with our agency, Blake is sarcastically referring to a meeting just like this one last year. R. Philip brought in his latest product, “Plumber’s Friend,” for us to evaluate.

Blake: And Ron evaluated the hell out of it.

Ron: Look, I’ve admitted it. It was pathetic. I told R. Philip that “Plumber’s Friend,” a candy bar in the shape of a toilet plunger, would never sell.

Edna: But the “Plumber’s Friend” candy bar sold like hotcakes. It was the most successful candy bar in the country for a while last year. And we told the client it would never sell. Who knows what kids are going to go for?

Ron: I’ll tell you who knows: R. Philip Dubieus knows. He’s a damn genius. He’s the Bill Gates of the confectionery industry. And he’s giving us another chance. This time we’re not going to drop the ball.

Norman: Or the elephant.

Ron: How does that help, Norman?

Norman: Sorry.

Blake: To top it off, we provided them with their motto – at no charge.

Ron: That’s true. During our meeting last year, as we were talking about the Plumber’s Friend candy bar, someone blurted out, “It’ll clean out your pipes!”

Blake: R. Philip’s lawyers have of course contacted the righteous estate of the folks who own the name “Babar.” They’re very interested and even enthusiastic about the possibilities.

Ron: Tomorrow we must put across to R. Philip that in our advertising, in all media, the good-health advantages of high-fructose corn syrup will be emphasized.

Edna: (Sighs) Just between you and me, why do we wind up with products like this? We never get something sedate and acceptable like Campbell’s Soup.

Ron: Campbell’s Soup may well be outsold next year by this tasty little pachyderm. If we play our cards right, Candy Babar will be paying the salaries of quite a number of us in this agency for years to come.

Blake: You’re actually enthusiastic about this product.

Ron: Well, I keep thinking about our Plumber’s Friend fiasco. I was wrong about that; I’m not going to be wrong about this. As for TV, R. Philip wants the television commercials to look like the movie “Avatar.” He’s very aware of what’s going on in the culture.

Blake: Is he aware of what’s going on in law-suits?

Ron: We’ll deal with that later.

Edna: From what I’ve read, he’s going to get an actual elephant, paint him white and walk him around to school assemblies and so on.

Ron: What can I tell you – the guy thinks big. Now, R. Philip has a sort of special request. He has a friend, a young lady named Brandee – Sandee..?

Blake: Mandee.

Ron: Right, Mandee; her name has two “e’s” at the end.

Norman: Bet that’s not all she’s got at the end.

Ron: I can’t tell you how great it would be, Norman, if you would just shut up. Mandee Mullen, that’s her name. She’s 19 years old and she thinks of herself as a writer; she wants to write the TV commercials. Er, you’ve got nothing to say about this, Edna?

Edna: I’m speechless.

Norman: So with Mandee, R. Philip has his own little candy bar…

Ron: What is the MATTER with you people! This is not a joke! You know what kind of year we just had. This wonderful new product, Candy Babar, is going to keep our ship from sinking. Enough with the wisecracks!

Norman: Sorry.



Roger Owen Green said...

Who let you in to our boardroom?!

Cat-tails: here be wagging tales said...


DEE DEE said...

Mandee Candy
Nice it sounds

naturgesetz said...

This is a delightful scenelet. I've never scen "mad Men," but I love this.

Berowne said...

Great comment, Natur, thanks so much.

brudberg said...

I have a feeling there is something obvious not mentioned here... could it be the elephant in the room?

Tess Kincaid said...

Delightful, Mr. B...

Melody Steenkamp said...

Mad men... Mad women.... mad people....the world has to much of them ;-)

By the way... your link on ABC-W does not work ....

Have a nice abc-week / day

♫ Mel☺dy ♫ (abc-w-team)

Melody Steenkamp said...


Leslie: said...

Thanks for my morning "laugh out loud" moment!

abcw team

Trubes said...

Amazing but I really used to like sugar pigs!

Best wishes,
ABCW team.

Berowne said...

Thanks so much, Leslie, for your help with my mixed-up morning...

Hildred said...

I've been to meetings like that!!!!

Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil said...

This is obviously a "for-profit" company. Not for profits are WAY more serious, hee hee hee. Thanks, Berowne. Love "Mad Men," so this is perfect. Now I want a plunger chocolate bar.... Amy

Sheilagh Lee said...

the advertising game you've captured it perfectly

Karen S. said...

You've totally brightened my rainy day!

Georgia Koch said...

LOL ... great dialogue!

Berowne said...

Karen S: And you've brightened mine...

Su-sieee! Mac said...

Plumber's Friend -- hahahahahaha.

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