Berowne's 286

(Also for Three Word Wednesday and ABC Wednesday: "K" is for "kickoff")

Berowne’s version of “Mad Men”

Ron: I guess we’re all aware of the reason for this meeting. We’re getting together tomorrow morning with a man who has developed an exciting new product, an item with fantastic potential, and he wants us to be his advertising agency. Take over, Blake.
 

Blake: Well, you saw the Powerpoint presentation. “Candy Babar” is being proclaimed as something revolutionary for this industry. An entirely new confectionery item, a new type of candy bar in the shape of the famous elephant – it's new in concept, new in potential, new in substance.

Ron: Right. This will be the kickoff.  It will be an honor for our agency to be associated with what is literally a revolutionary product. Why is Candy Babar revolutionary? It’s a candy bar that relies heavily on high-fructose corn syrup in a never-before-achieved solid and stable form – it’s a scientific breakthrough. By the way, be sure you get the client’s name right: R. Philip Dubieus. His last name is pronounced Doobyess; as he puts it, there’s an emphasis on the “yess.” I need hardly tell you there are to be no wisecracks about his name and the word “dubious.” And he likes to be referred to as “R. Philip.”

Blake: Yeah, we met him last year. Remember, Ron?

Ron: For those who are new with our agency, Blake is sarcastically referring to a meeting just like this one last year. R. Philip brought in his latest product, “Plumber’s Friend,” for us to evaluate.

Blake: And Ron evaluated the hell out of it.

Ron: Look, I’ve admitted it. It was pathetic. I told R. Philip that “Plumber’s Friend,” a candy bar in the shape of a toilet plunger, would never sell.

Edna: But the “Plumber’s Friend” candy bar sold like hotcakes. It was the most successful candy bar in the country for a while last year. And we told the client it would never sell. Who knows what kids are going to go for?

Ron: I’ll tell you who knows: R. Philip Dubieus knows. He’s a damn genius. He’s the Bill Gates of the confectionery industry. And he’s giving us another chance. This time we’re not going to drop the ball.

Norman: Or the elephant.

Ron: How does that help, Norman?

Norman: Sorry.

Blake: To top it off, we provided them with their motto – at no charge.

Ron: That’s true. During our meeting last year, as we were talking about the Plumber’s Friend candy bar, someone blurted out, “It’ll clean out your pipes!”

Blake: R. Philip’s lawyers have of course contacted the righteous estate of the folks who own the name “Babar.” They’re very interested and even enthusiastic about the possibilities.

Ron: Tomorrow we must put across to R. Philip that in our advertising, in all media, the good-health advantages of high-fructose corn syrup will be emphasized.

Edna: (Sighs) Just between you and me, why do we wind up with products like this? We never get something sedate and acceptable like Campbell’s Soup.

Ron: Campbell’s Soup may well be outsold next year by this tasty little pachyderm. If we play our cards right, Candy Babar will be paying the salaries of quite a number of us in this agency for years to come.

Blake: You’re actually enthusiastic about this product.

Ron: Well, I keep thinking about our Plumber’s Friend fiasco. I was wrong about that; I’m not going to be wrong about this. As for TV, R. Philip wants the television commercials to look like the movie “Avatar.” He’s very aware of what’s going on in the culture.

Blake: Is he aware of what’s going on in law-suits?

Ron: We’ll deal with that later.

Edna: From what I’ve read, he’s going to get an actual elephant, paint him white and walk him around to school assemblies and so on.

Ron: What can I tell you – the guy thinks big. Now, R. Philip has a sort of special request. He has a friend, a young lady named Brandee – Sandee..?

Blake: Mandee.

Ron: Right, Mandee; her name has two “e’s” at the end.

Norman: Bet that’s not all she’s got at the end.

Ron: I can’t tell you how great it would be, Norman, if you would just shut up. Mandee Mullen, that’s her name. She’s 19 years old and she thinks of herself as a writer; she wants to write the TV commercials. Er, you’ve got nothing to say about this, Edna?

Edna: I’m speechless.

Norman: So with Mandee, R. Philip has his own little candy bar…

Ron: What is the MATTER with you people! This is not a joke! You know what kind of year we just had. This wonderful new product, Candy Babar, is going to keep our ship from sinking. Enough with the wisecracks!

Norman: Sorry.

 

Magpie 122

For Three-Word Wednesday and ABC Wednesday
Mad Men in the Mud
Ron: Okay, enough of this chit-chat. Remember, Phil Irving, who we hope to God is going to be a new client for us, is coming here tomorrow. Believe me, this will be sort of the Olympics for this agency – go for the Gold!
Blake: Just as background info, Phil Irving’s first name isn’t, by the way, Philip. His parents were from the old country and they named him “Felix.” Felix Irving. So he uses “Phil.” Naturally, there’s a temptation to make a joke about Felix the Cat; avoid that at all costs. He also hates the phrase “the mud guy,” which competitors call him and which we must also avoid. He markets excellent products, especially the “I-Deal Galoshes,” which happen to be very successful and profitable; they could pay the salaries of quite a few of us in this agency for years.
Ron: The “I” in “I-Deal” of course refers to Irving. As you probably know, his slogan is “Wet and Wonderful: The I-Deals, THE Galoshes for 21st-Century Mud!”
Blake: Good God, will he expect us to use that? Can’t we come up with something a bit more – euphonius?
Wendell: Well, euphonius guy I know, so you work on it. (Chuckles)
Blake: How does that help, Wendell?
Ron: There’s some bad news. He wants us to put both his wife and his - er - friend to work in the same commercial.
Wendell: Wow.
Ron: Enough of that. Now, here’s our little list of “don’ts” for tomorrow when Irving’s here. No reference to the famous Cat. No use of the phrase “mud guy.” Try to act like top professionals, not people wandering about in a fog. And let’s make an effort to show great interest in the contributions of both Mrs. Irving and Phil’s friend Miss Mullen – er, what’s her first name?
Blake: Candee; she has two “e”s at the end.
Wendell: Bet that’s not all she’s got at the end.
Blake: How does that help, Wendell?
Ron: By the way, Edna, Mrs Irving believes she has a career as a writer. She wants to write the copy for the commercials. Uh – you have anything to say to that?
Edna: As head of the copy department, I’m speechless.
Ron: Don’t worry. It’ll be a struggle but here’s how we handle it. We say how much we look forward to working with her. After you get her scripts, try – I mean really try – to use some lines of hers in what you write, so she gets the idea that she was at least seriously considered. I hope that will satisfy both her and her husband.
Edna: For me, it will be like trying to write with manacles on my wrists.
Wendell: Which we may yet get around to.
Ron: And there’s another bit of bad news. Mandee – er – Sandee..?
Blake: Candee.
Ron: Yes, Candee. She would like to be the voice-over announcer.
Wendell: Holy guacamole! How do you plan to handle that?
Ron: Oh, I have a plan. I got to be the head of this agency by knowing how to handle just these types of emergencies.
Blake: I’ve been in this business for thirty years, made hundreds of commercials. Never, and I mean never, have I worked on a commercial which had both the client’s wife and his girlfriend in it.
Kit: At any rate, I’ve put together a whiz-bang Powerpoint to show him.
Ron: Powerpoint? You’re going to present a slide-show to illustrate how we make commercials? I'm too lenient with you guys; I told you to make a sample commercial.
Kit: There wasn’t time. Hey, it’s going to be a great presentation. It will knock his galoshes off. It’s got some great music and some faux animation in it.
Wendell: I just hope we don’t wind up with a faux paycheck.
Blake: Ron, have you ever thought of just standing up to Irving and saying, Sir, we are a top professional advertising agency and we will do a great job of promoting and selling your product. We’ll continue to do a great job if we don’t have to hire a client’s relatives and friends. Have you ever thought of that?
Ron: Have you ever thought of not eating?

Magpie 75

The prompt this week, an ad for bicycles, got me to thinking about that wonderful part of French history known as the Belle Epoque…



The Beautiful Age, which lasted from about the 1870s to the beginning of World War I, 1914.

The Magpie prompt of the gal on the bike illustrates a fundamental difference between French ads of that day and ads in the U S. American advertising was designed to inform and persuade, as in the following. (Did you know they had portable typewriters in 1890?)

The American ad informs and perhaps even, just a bit, persuades. The French would have done it differently.

French women dressed appropriately for the time, which means the clothing they wore covered just about everything. But in the advertising, things were different. French ads of that day were made to seduce -- to attract, entice. Some of ‘em were pretty wild. Check out the following, an ad for gas. It’s an ad for gas!!!!!!!

Presumably if you bought this brand of gas for your home a magnificent young woman would come and dance about in the nude in your living-room.
Probably never happened. :-)

Whenever possible, it’s obvious that there would be an attempt to suggest the national pastime, l’amour. Above, a French beer ad from that era.

At the least, the ad should be suggestive. As in this ad for absinthe – you know, the stuff that makes the heart grow fonder. :-)
As one who labored in the advertising agency world for some years, I find this difference between American and French advertising of the Belle Epoque interesting.
Because, truth is, those same differences still exist. In our ads, we’re still trying to inform and persuade; the French ads are still trying to seduce.

Magpie #17

RICHARD SCHMIDLAPP'S MISADVENTURE
“I have to admit, Mill, that I’m a bit surprised. When you said you wanted to talk, I never dreamed you’d show up with a lawyer.”
“Well, let me introduce myself. I’m Bob Confrey, of Mannix, DeVito and Confrey, of New York. I’m here just to take part in a friendly conversation and make sure that you are aware of your sister-in-law’s position. Now, as I understand it, Mr. Schmidlapp, you have developed a new product?”
“You can say that again. I have created something new, really new, in the world of soft drinks. My product leaves the past behind; it’s totally 21st century. It’s called ‘Guacamuley,’ the first carbonated beverage ever marketed that is made from and tastes just like guacamole. They've had quacamole in liquid form before, but mine is the first carbonated, fizzy, beverage, sold in bottles just like Coke, Pepsi and Dr. Pepper! My logo so far has been a kicking mule, hence the name ‘Guacamuley,’ but some time back I stumbled upon something that will be a marvelous addition to our advertising, something that is going to send this wonderful product shooting off to national success.”
“And that something, I take it, was a work of sculpture by your sister-in-law?”

“Exactly. I stumbled upon this in their garage. It was amazing. Mildred, without realizing it, has created an entire advertising campaign for my product. That girl’s head that she had sculpted caught the exact moment so many have experienced when they’ve taken their first sip of Guacamuley – a look of surprise, delight and anticipation.”
“But you see, Mr. Schmidlapp, you don’t have the right to use her sculpture in your advertising.”
“But good heavens, Mill, I’m not doing anything bad for you; what I am doing is good. This ad campaign of mine is going to make your work famous”
“Your sister-in-law wants to be taken seriously as an artist.”
“Oh, come on. I mean, I love Mill – she’s the best thing that ever happened to my brother; she’s family. But she isn’t Michelangelo, right? She makes these little things as a hobby out back in her garage, part of an art class or something. And you talk about getting taken seriously as an artist? How do you do that? Well, you get what you do seen by a great many people. You’re never going to be known by anybody if you make something and it just sits in your dam’ garage.”
“Richard, I’d appreciate it if you’d stop saying ‘garage.’ That place is my atelier.”
“Atelier, garage, boudoir, whatever. I want to be sure you understand, Mill: these ads of mine are not only going to get you known all over the country, they’re going to turn into a solid source of income for you for the next few years. Once Guacamuley gets marketed nationally and the money starts rolling in, you can be sure you’ll get your share.”
“You don’t understand, Mr. Schmidlapp. The better galleries will never take her work if she is identified with a beverage called, er, Guacamuley.”
“What? You’re afraid to reach the common people? You think Jeff Koons worried about such a thing, that Warhol appealed only to the upper clahsses? They reflected the modern world. Reflected what’s happenin’. My ad campaign is a chance for my sis-in-law Mill to do the same.”
“Well, I’m afraid that we must insist that you not use that sculpture, or any picture of it, in your advertising.”
“Have you ever tried Guacamuley, Mr. Confrey?”
“I, er, had a sip of it.”
“Then you’re aware of its potential. I’m going to send you a prospectus; I think you’ll agree that the development and marketing of Guacamuley is a great investment opportunity.”
“Yeah, sure. By all means. Send it right over.”

Magpie Entry #4

“Scientific Breakthrough”



Ron: I guess we’re all aware of the reason for this meeting. We’re getting together tomorrow morning with a man who has developed an exciting new product, an item with fantastic potential, and he wants us to be his advertising agency. Take over, Blake.

Blake: Well, you saw the Powerpoint presentation. “Candy Babar” is being proclaimed as something revolutionary for this industry. An entirely new confectionery item, a new type of candy bar in the shape of the famous elephant – it's new in concept, new in philosophy, new in substance.

Ron: Right. This happens to be an historic occasion: it will be an honor for our agency to be associated with what is literally a revolutionary product. Why is Candy Babar revolutionary? It’s a candy bar that relies heavily on high-fructose corn syrup in a never-before-achieved solid and stable form – it’s a scientific breakthrough. By the way, be sure you get the client’s name right: R. Philip Dubieus. For those of you who haven’t met the man, this is important. His last name is pronounced Doobyess; as he puts it, there’s an emphasis on the “yess.” I need hardly tell you there are to be no wisecracks about his name and the word “dubious.” And he likes to be referred to as “R. Philip.”

Blake: Yeah, we met him last year. Remember, Ron?

Ron: For those who are new with our agency, Blake is sarcastically referring to a meeting just like this one last year. R. Philip brought in his latest product, “Plumber’s Friend,” for us to evaluate.

Blake: And Ron evaluated the hell out of it.

Ron: Look, I’ve admitted it. I messed up. I told R. Philip that “Plumber’s Friend,” a candy bar in the shape of a toilet plunger, would never sell.

Edna: But the “Plumber’s Friend” candy bar sold like hotcakes. It was the most successful candy bar in the country for a while last year. And we told the client it would never sell. Who knows what kids are going to go for?

Ron: I’ll tell you who knows: R. Philip Dubieus knows. He’s a damn genius. He’s the Bill Gates of the confectionery industry. And he’s giving us another chance. This time we’re not going to drop the ball.

Wendell: Or the elephant.

Ron: How does that help, Wendell?

Wendell: Sorry.

Blake: To top it off, we provided them with their motto – at no charge.

Ron: That’s true. During our meeting last year, as we were talking about the Plumber’s Friend candy bar, someone blurted out, “It’ll clean out your pipes!” They used it and paid us nothing for the use. But it turned out okay. R. Philip now feels he owes us.

Blake: R. Philip’s lawyers have of course contacted the estate of the folks who own the name “Babar.” They’re very interested and even enthusiastic about the possibilities. It was Dubieus Industries’ scientific unit that developed the new material.

Edna: Wait a minute. This guy is a candy-maker. He has a scientific unit?

Blake: He sure does, staffed with top scientists and researchers. They were responsible for the success of Plumber’s Friend. And they’ve got another winner in Candy Babar.

Ron: Tomorrow we must put across to R. Philip that in our advertising, in all media, the good-health advantages of high-fructose corn syrup will be emphasized. And by the way, we must at all times avoid expressions like “white elephant” with its negative connotations. And that goes for “the elephant in the living-room” saying, which is also negative.

Edna: (Sighs) Just between you and me, why do we wind up with products like this? We never get something like Campbell’s Soup.

Ron: Campbell’s Soup may well be outsold next year by this tasty little pachyderm. If we play our cards right, Candy Babar will be paying the salaries of quite a number of us in this agency for years to come.

Blake: You’re actually enthusiastic about this product.

Ron: Well, I keep thinking about our Plumber’s Friend fiasco. I was wrong about that; I’m not going to be wrong about this. As for TV, R. Philip wants the television commercials to look like the movie “Avatar.” He’s very aware of what’s going on in the culture.

Blake: Is he aware of what’s going on in law-suits?

Ron: We’ll deal with that later.

Edna: From what I’ve read, he’s going to get an actual elephant, paint him white and walk him around to school assemblies and so on.

Ron: What can I tell you – the guy thinks big. Now, R. Philip has a sort of special request. He has a friend, a young lady named Brandee – Sandee..?

Blake: Mandee.

Ron: Right, Mandee; her name has two “e’s” at the end.

Wendell: Bet that’s not all she’s got at the end.

Ron: I can’t tell you how great it would be, Wendell, if you would just shut up. Mandee Mullen, that’s her name. She’s 19 years old and she thinks of herself as a writer; she wants to write the TV commercials. Er, you’ve got nothing to say about this, Edna?

Edna: I’m speechless.

Wendell: So R. Philip has his own little candy bar…

Ron: What is the MATTER with you people! This is not some kind of joke! You know the kind of year we just had. This wonderful new product, Candy Babar, is going to keep our ship from sinking. Enough with the wisecracks!

Wendell: Sorry.

Ford Ad

The Ford Motor Company has released a carefully planned Ford ad campaign to an eagerly-waiting world.

Their slogan, currently appearing everywhere – in print, TV, the works – is “Why Ford. Why Now.”

Which leads one who taught English for years (i.e., me) to ask: How come no question mark at the end of a question? Why not? Why not now?

Or am I being too difficult?

What’s your opinion?