Magpie 41

“What on earth! Fred, I’m embarrassed. I can’t accept this.”
“Nonsense. It’s just a little gift. A token of a special day.”
“What day?”
“What day? Why, the day of our first date, March 11 of last year.”
“So that’s what the X and the I mean? And, good Lord, they’re in diamonds?
“Right. I mean, no, not real diamonds. Though they do look like that, don’t they? (Laughs) They were expensive enough to be real.”
“Fred, we weren’t on a date then; we had a cup of coffee together.”
“Sure, but it was the first time we were out together. It was the beginning; it had tremendous meaning. I realized I had found the person I wanted to be with forever.”
“Forever is a long time. When I told you this past Monday it was all over, I meant it – it’s all over. Our forever lasted about a month.”
“But that’s why I had to see you today. Not just to give you a pedant with a diamond-encrusted Roman numeral…”
“I think you mean pendant.”
“Whatever. But also I wanted to let you in on a big piece of news. I’ve changed, Dolores! I’m not the guy you knew in the past.”
“That’s good. I didn’t care much for him.”
“And he’s gone! Gone with the wind! Look. I used to be a good-natured goofball, always making jokes. And I have to admit, maybe with some jokes I stepped over the line a bit.”
“Like that dinner with my parents. You didn’t step over the line, you tripped on the line and fell flat on your face.”
“Well, in my defense, that family of yours has precious little in the way of a sense of humor. I was just trying to be friendly and cheerful, to keep everyone entertained.”
“My Mom didn’t find it entertaining when she served her best dish, sesame chicken, and you called it ‘sesame sicken’!”
“Well, that wasn’t my best effort. But hey, Derek Jeter doesn’t hit one out of the park every time either.”
“Derek who?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“And that crack about us enjoying carnival knowledge of each other – was that your idea of something appropriate to say to my folks?”
“I know, I know. It may seem that at times I shoot myself in the foot…”
“It’s a wonder you’ve got any foot left.”
“Listen, we seem to be getting off the point. I wanted to apologize and to tell you that I really tried, with your folks. But your Dad’s remark about my job, how I drove an ice-cream truck, that didn’t sit well with me.”
“He didn’t mean anything by it. He just didn’t understand what it is you do.”
“Well, somebody should tell him that I’m a CEO, and of a pretty important corporation. We have eight ice-cream trucks, at least six of which are on the streets at all times during the summer. The logistics of the operation are staggering.”
“Fred, I hate to be blunt, but I have to say it again – it’s over. So many of the things you do and say rub me, as well as my family, the wrong way. It wouldn’t matter if you had ten ice-cream trucks. Here, take back your, er, pedant. Sorry it didn’t work out between us. Now I have to get back to work. Bye.”