Monday, October 29, 2012

Berowne's 141

(For Three-Word Wednesday and ABC Wednesday: "P" is for "Paradise")
Ellen: “You’ve got me all excited. You still haven’t told me where we’re going on our honeymoon.”
Bob: “That’s because I want it to be a surprise. Take a deep breath; we’re going to honeymoon in Miami Beach!”
Ellen: “Oh. Good. I’ve never been to Miami.”
Bob: “Oh, you’ll love it. It’s kind of a paradise – even when it’s out of season, like now.”
Ellen: “Bob, I hope you won’t mind my mentioning this, but usually the bride gets to take part in things like deciding on honeymoon destinations and so on.”
Bob: “But then it wouldn’t be a surprise! Not only is it a paradise, but there’s an extra attraction that makes it perfect for us.”
Ellen: “What’s that?”
Bob: “Well, I’m so proud of my new bride I want to show her off to all the members of my family. And my sister Deb lives there, in Miami. I know you’ll love her.”
Ellen: “So we’re actually making a trip to see your sister.”
Bob: “And maybe a couple thousand aunts, uncles, cousins – ha! We’re quite a brood! I want to show you off to ‘em all.”
Ellen: “And they all live in Miami?”
Bob: “Well, not all. Mom lives here, as you know.”
Ellen: “Yes. Bob, I - I felt she didn’t like me very much. Though I really appreciated that she seemed worried about my sallow complexion.
Bob: “Oh, that’s Mom; she's very honest; there's not a false thing about her. And anyway, you know what mothers are like – there’s no girl good enough for her boy, and so on.”
Ellen: “Yes. That makes me feel better too.”
Bob: “Oh, by the way, there’s another reason for Miami. My sis lives in a big house so I figured, why shouldn’t we stay with her?’
Ellen: “What? We’re going to spend our honeymoon in your sister’s house?”
Bob: “Don’t worry; we’ll be all alone. Little Frankie is giving up his room to bunk with his sister, so we get his place. I think that’s really generous of him, actually. You know how kids feel about their rooms.”
Ellen: “Little Frankie must be happy about our visit."
Bob: “Don’t worry; he won’t cause any trouble. There's no risk. Seems there was a problem with the cops last year and they’ve had him on a short leash ever since; I'm sure he’ll be a perfect young gentleman while we’re there.”
Ellen: “This should be a honeymoon like no other.”
Bob: “Oh, there’s one other thing.”
Ellen: “Wait just a second. I want to be seated when I hear this.”
Bob: “Ha! That sense of humor, one of the things I find most attractive in you. Anyway, my mother hasn’t seen the other members of our family for quite a while so she’s planning a trip to Miami too.”
Ellen: “Oh, good; I’ll get to see her again.”
Bob: “You sure will. Uh – I don’t know how to put this – but Mom is planning to be on the same plane we’ll be on.”
Ellen: “I’m glad I was seated.”
Bob: “I know it’s a bit, uh, different. But you know, to illustrate her generosity, she paid for the tickets: she reserved a three-seat row so we can all be together. You’re really going to get to know her better.”
Ellen: “I have a feeling you’re right. Look, Bob, before we go any further, you and I have got to sit down and have a talk. A Long. Serious. Talk.”
(Also submitted to Sunday Scribblings)


kaykuala said...

Hilarious Berowne! Very witty twist to the fun of being the decision maker from day one. I think she must be blonde! Nicely!


Jae Rose said...

I wonder if those three plane seats will be full or which two may be on their way to Florida..nicely done..Jae

Roger Owen Green said...

ANNULMENT! He needs an annulment, NOW!

Leslie: said...

I sure hope they're not married yet 'cuz if it were me, I'd be on the next plane outta there! lol

jabblog said...

Oh dear, it seems she should have straightened out a few rules before she married this plonker!

Berowne said...

Roger O G: "ANNULMENT! He needs an annulment, NOW!"
You're sure he's the one who needs an annulment? :-)

Tess Kincaid said...

Icky (!)

Helen said...

I 'resemble' that blonde comment Hank made:)

ninotaziz said...

The wed dig's off, I think!

ninotaziz said...


Berowne said...

Helen: "I 'resemble' that blonde comment Hank made."
Yes, I didn't get that one myself.

Susan Anderson said...


Still chuckling.


Other Mary said...

I'm not sure if this makes me want to laugh or cry! lol

Rinkly Rimes said...

I hope this isn't a slice of your life. You're usually autobiographical.

Old Egg said...

I just hope they are not talking at the reception but before the actual wedding. This could be a marriage doomed from the start.

Tigerbrite said...

It seems, unless she does something drastic, the honeymoon has turned into his family holiday! I think I be an FTJ (airline speak for someone who does not turn up for the flight).

Lyn said...

I have a prediction about the talk..let me whisper it in Bob's ear..she's getting smarter by the minute! Run away, bride...

Doctor FTSE said...

Great stuff, Mr.B. Did you ever come across the vaudeville song "And her Mother Came too?"

SilverGardenia said...

Very funny! Hope Bob survives that long talk.

Helena said...

LoL! It's worse than being a mummy's boy, it's the whole mob! Get working on that thumb, Ellen!

savoirfaire said...

Hello All: Just wanted to let you know that Berowne is doing fine, but he is currently without power due to the storm so he can't respond to posts for the time being. He'll be back up and running soon, I'm sure.

Berowne said...

Doc FTSE: "Did you ever come across the vaudeville song 'And her Mother Came too?'"
No, but I came across the actual situation. Years ago when a friend of mine got married, his mother insisted on going along on the honeymoon. After some protest, the bride reluctantly agreed to it. That gave me the idea for this post.

Berowne said...

Rinkly R: "I hope this isn't a slice of your life."
No, tho I have mother-in-law stories that can go on for days.

Sharp Little Pencil said...

Berowne, just found you at ABC, so glad, because I posted late (just got back from California vacation, first in 14 yrs. of marriage).

This is too funny. If they are not already married, she must run. RUN, I tell you! Otherwise, it's a "no fault" annulment for that poor girl.

Too often this story is more true that not, espec. as regards M.I.L. No one is good enough for mommy's little prince! Great one, B. Peace, Amy

Berowne said...

What a fine comment, Amy. You never disappoint. Thanks.

Lydia said...

One thing I know is that I do not smile enough. This piece had me smiling the whole time I read it and I still am smiling, and I thank you for the natural face lift!

Sheilagh Lee said...

sounds like Bob is trying for a divorce.Silly man you don't have family on a honeymoon.And especially not your mother who hates your bride.Great story Berowne.

Berowne said...

Lydia: "This piece had me smiling the whole time I read it."
I could ask for no more pleasing comment - thanks so much.

Lane Savant said...

I've drunk some wine that tasted like that.

Ann said...

Wonder if they even held hands on the airplane trip? Oh that would be a nightmare.

The Blog of Bee said...

Hilarious! My smiles turned into broad grins and then into real laughter - that could have been my ex!!! Only problem was I got on the plane!

Belva Rae Staples said...

This is so funny! It has to be the honeymoon from hell!

Anonymous said...

She should escape while she can, if she still can.

I have no exact words for a man like that - but he does scare me. :-)

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