“You won’t try my energy drink? It’s a perfect way to start the day.”
“No thanks. A nice little cup of coffee, maybe with a touch of milk and sugar, gives me all the breakfast energy I need.”
“I don’t get it. People pay me real money for my work as a professional trainer, but you ignore what I have to say.”
“You probably haven’t noticed – I’m only your sister - but I’m not into weight lifting and all the rest of it. I know you just love that macho reputation, but at times you make yourself almost scary.”
“Whoever said I was scary?”
“Lucille, for one.”
“Lucille? You bring up Lucille? You know as well as I she was a nut job. You couldn’t believe a word she said.”
“Well, the word she said was, you were scary. Once you got mad and broke up the furniture in her apartment.”
“There! You see? Totally untrue! ‘Broke up the furniture’- that’s just plain crazy. We were having an argument and she said stuff that got me a bit upset. She had an old chair she had been trying to get rid of and I broke off one of the legs. That was hardly breaking up the furniture.”
“If breaking up a chair wasn’t breaking up the furniture, what was it?”
“It was helping her get rid of an old chair. But why are we talking about my old girl friend? I broke off with Lucille last year.”
“You broke off? She got a restraining order.”
“Look, Irene. Why are we wasting time talking about her? You said you wanted to talk about Jeff.”
“I know you mean well, Gary. I know you love your sister and you want to protect me and all that good stuff, but it can make my life difficult. I think this is going to call for a revolution in your thinking: it seems you don’t realize that sometimes your actions can be almost lethal. You’re a big guy – six foot three and God knows how many pounds right now.”
“What? Did Jeff claim that I got rough with him, pushed him around? That’s baloney!”
“No, no. It was nothing like that. It was the night I first asked Jeff over to meet the folks. I really thought he might be the guy I had been looking for.”
“Well, that’s wonderful. I sincerely hope it works out that way.”
“I didn’t realize you’d be home. That was the night you usually went to your weight-lifting group or club or whatever it is.”
“Well, tell you the truth, I wanted to meet this Jeff, see what he was like. I only got one sister and I want the best for her.”
“I’ve told you before - I know you don’t get it - but none of this is your business! You have no say in who I go out with, who I invite home! When I saw you talking with Jeff that night, my heart sank. Oh God, I thought, Gary is going to screw this up.”
“Why, that’s crazy. Jeff and I had a fine talk. He’s quite a guy; I admire him. I told him so.”
“Then you may be a bit surprised that I got an email from him today: he has decided we shouldn’t see each other again. Among the reasons he mentioned, he still hasn’t gotten over his talk with you.”
“What? I was friendly, welcomed him into our home. Wished him the best, the whole deal. What was wrong with that?”
“Maybe the part where you mentioned what you’d do if he ever did anything to make your sister unhappy. Breaking both legs or something like that.”
“It was only one leg. But it was a joke, just guy talk! This all hinges on that? And you say he was scared? Ha! Is he a man or a mouse? I don't think he’s right for you after all.”
“I’m going to try to fix things with him. But listen, Gary, because this is important. If you ever see Jeff again – and I hope that won’t happen often – I don’t want you to say anything to him. Nothing! Okay?”
“Fine. Whatever you say. And don’t worry, if ever I do talk with him again, it’ll be just to be friendly and assure him of how much I love my sister and want only what’s best for her.”
(Also submitted to Sunday Scribblings)
