In San Clemente, California, a man ran naked through a tennis club and then poured hot coffee on his head before being arrested. Evidently he was not aware that there’s a local statute in San Clemente that prohibits pouring anything on one’s head but hot cocoa.
* Why do they keep serving shrimp with their tail shells on? Shrimp should be served completely unshelled. When I am dining at an elegant upscale social event, honoring an ambassador or some such world-class dignitary, which happens often :-), it is disheartening for me to have to wrestle the shell off the damn shrimp’s tail, causing bits of shrimp to fly about, some landing on my new tuxedo (thirty-five dollars at Walmart).
* I loved that General Motors guarantee (do they still have it?). Buy one of their automobiles, keep it for 3 months and if you don’t like it, return it – no charge. What they don’t seem to realize is that they are saying that they are pretty sure their cars will run for 3 months; after that, who knows?
* That may now be the Toyota guarantee.
* Political prognostication. Sarah Palin may well be successful as vice president in the next election, if President Beck allows her to run. :-)
* I realize Somalia isn’t usually a funny subject, but I got to thinking about what an arrest by local police might be like. One could imagine the following conversation. Cop, to Somali: “What’s Somali you?” Somali: “It’s not what’s Somali me; it’s what’s Somali YOU!”
* Mark Twain: “I never vote. It just encourages them.”
* As for the late year 2009, which has received a huge amount of criticism, I’m not really disgruntled about it. Though I can’t pretend to be gruntled.
* Poor Barack. He showed up with a couple of loaves and a few fishes and he was expected to feed everybody.
* I got a swine flu shot. I wish I hadn’t; the side effects are awful. I spent the morning out in the back yard snuffling for truffles.
* I feel dull, I feel hollow, if I’m not in your “Blogs I Follow.”
* What is Demi Moore half OF?
* Don’t you love it when you’re visiting a blog and after you read some illuminating information about the person you’re visiting, there’s an enticing little sign that promises to lead you “inside”: it reads “View My Complete Profile”? You click on this with an increasing sense of excitement and anticipation. The Complete Profile then turns out to be, word for word, exactly what you just read “outside.”
* Is it Keera or Keyera Sedgwick?
* Did you ever get the feeling that all the major charities in the country got together at a meeting a few years ago and everyone at the meeting came up with exactly the same idea; it must have seemed to be a stroke of genius. They probably all shouted out together: “Here’s what we should do! Let’s send address labels to everyone!”
* Idea for a “meet cute” moment for a film script. In an exciting match of co-ed curling, they both felt love at the moment when their brooms touched.
* What’s wrong with pro basketball? Well, when I watch a guy who’s 7 foot 11 or whatever, who practically has to bend over to drop the ball in the basket, the game seems to have lost James Naismith’s original purpose for basketball, which was to be something that could be played by just about everybody.
So here’s what I propose: a separate basketball league, to be called the 5-10 league, in which every player has to be 5 foot ten inches or LESS. No one over 5-10 would be allowed. What games those teams would play! What passing, what jump shots, what full-court presses, what razzle mixed with the dazzle! (A small commission should be made available to the person who originated the idea. :-D)
* I always look forward to receiving the Men’s Fashions section of the New York Times. It’s great to see pictures of clothes that I would never conceivably wear, along with pictures of items that no one I know would ever conceivably wear. Provides a strange sense of self-confidence.
* Didn’t General Tso ever eat anything but chicken?
* People who live in parts of the country where bagels are not available often write of how they PINE for bagels. I don’t get it. What is a bagel? It’s boiled dough. If you enjoy boiled dough you’re going to love bagels. :-)
* I enjoy reading those ads for “investment advisors,” who stand ready to advise you about your investments and who necessarily have to pretend they know what the stock market is going to do. If they knew what the market was going to do they wouldn’t be working as investment advisors; they’d be lying off the Bahamas in their 400-foot yacht.
All right, enough of this – back to work!
