Magpie #6 Re-Do

"Well, Norbert – hope you don’t mind if I call you by your first name; we’re very relaxed around here."
"Sure. That’s fine."
"The President and I are looking forward to having you join us in this administration. What kind of work do you do?"



"I run a hardware store. For years I was known around town as 'Nails Norbert.' I’ve always emphasized two things – quality and integrity – in the products that I sell. For example, I provide the best in nails: American Quality Nails, with the emphasis on the word 'quality.'
"How’s your business doing?"
"Well, it was okay, but now the big chains, True Value and Ace Hardware, have moved into the area so I’ve had to diversify. I’ve turned over a part of my hardware store to confectionary items. For one thing, my daughter makes a great little product; we call it 'Giggle’s Gourmet Fudge.' You see, we called her 'Giggles' when she was little."
"Because she giggled a lot?"
"You guessed it! That’s it, exactly. So I’ve set aside a part of the store to sell her fudge. It’s got quality."
"Sounds very tasty."
"The other items I sell in the store have to do with the Long Island Ducks – you know, the ice hockey team."
"You own the team, or you’re the coach?"
"Oh, no. They ceased operations years ago, but it’s just like the nostalgia for the Dodgers in Brooklyn, there are still a lot of Long Island folks who love the Ducks, so I sell caps, jackets, collectibles. We used to have a saying back home, 'Once a Long Island Duck always a Long Island Duck.'"
"Catchy. Let’s see now; you own this business?"
"Yes."
"So you’re the CEO of your corporation? I’m just trying to fill out this form, you see, and we want to make it look good."
"CEO? Well, I guess you could say that."
"How many employees do you have?"
"Well, my wife Emma is sort of a math whiz; she handles the books and the financial stuff. And my nephew comes in after school to help."
"That is the total list of your employees?"
"Yes. "
"I see. H’mm. I note that you were in the Navy. How does Undersecretary of the Navy sound?"
"Wow. I never thought I might be that – what was it again? Undersecretary of the Navy?"
"Right. It’s not all that prestigious, actually. They’ve got floors-full of undersecretaries of one kind or another in Washington. But it’s a way of rewarding those who have been loyal to the President. You were a friend of his for years, as I understand?"
"Oh. No, that was my wife, Emma. She was a good friend of the First Lady way back when they were both in grammar school. They stayed in touch for quite a while after that. Haven’t heard from them in years, though."
"Well, you’re hearing from them now. My assignment is to find a suitable position for you in the administration. What was your rank in the Navy?"
"I was a striker."
"Hey, that sounds warlike. Is that like a sniper?"
"No. It's a term the Navy uses for a sailor, an ordinary seaman, who has applied for and is studying for a move up to petty officer third class. He is 'striking' for that rank, so he’s called a striker."
"And did you make it to – er – petty officer third class?"
"No. My enlistment ended just before I got up there. I retired from the Navy as a striker."
"Well, I won’t use that term on the form; it’s not a word this administration likes all that much. I guess Undersecretary of the Navy wouldn’t be a good fit."
"Is there anything else?"
"Well, there’s head of FEMA. Oh, wait. That’s already been filled. Let’s see… What do you know about Indian Affairs?"
"Ha. I guess they have ‘em, like so many others."
"Hey, Norbert, you are a card. Oh, this might be good. Civilian Inspector General to the Army Corps of Engineers."
"What would I have to do in that job?"
"Well, as the name would suggest, you, as a civilian, would generally inspect things and then report to the Army Corps of Engineers. As an example, you’d inspect the levees around the city of New Orleans, and report to them."
"Wouldn’t they hold it against me, that I don’t know much about that?"
"I don’t think so. None of them seem to know much about it either."